“I think this is an excellent idea.” Celestia was quickly finding it tempting to stick her horn through her sister’s eye from across the dinner table. “Truthfully, I think otherwise,” she stated, making do with driving her fork through a cherry tomato instead. “I also think you should stop talking with your mouth full, Luna.” A loud crunch, followed by a splatter of lettuce leaves across the floor. “Why?” Luna asked, though it was less of a ‘[i]why[/i]’ and more of a ‘[i]warg[/i]’, which was pretty much what she was sounding like anyway. “We’re royalty, that’s why.” “Up until seven months ago.” Thank the stars, Luna swallowed before she spoke this time. “We’re retired now, Tia. I assure you, there shall be none left in this day and age who would bother to judge the manners of princesses emeritus, a pair!” “Except the caretakers.” “Except the caretakers, those fiends, fastidious and foul!” Luna screeched at one of them standing across the room. “Heed me, infidel! Were it not for the relinquishment of my powers, the rind of the moon shall render asunder thy plump posterior!” “Manners maketh the mare, dear Luna,” Celestia sternly reminded. “Need I also point out, sister dearest, that I had intended this retirement to be a solo venture. I did not ask you to join me, yet you’ve insisted on tagging along.” “I still think it’s not a bad idea.” “I never said it was.” “You think it. I know you well, sister.” Luna chomped down on another forkful of lettuce, sending bits of it scattering about the room once more. “Why do you think I suggested this for you in the first place?” The heftiest sigh of the day left Celestia’s lips as she once again returned to what was laid before her. It was a book, one atrociously thick with pages wrinkled yellow from having constantly being dipped into diluted mugs of coffee over the past few months, all of it bound together inside a dubiously-procured leather cover complete with an intricate etching of the sun. "You know, I really don’t mind if you just got me a bouquet of hydrangeas for my birthday, Luna.” “But sister, I thought you hate hydrangeas.” “I was making a point.” “How crude,” Luna said with a scrunch in her snout. “Do you not understand the importance of a good gift? And what better gift than one that you never knew you needed in the first place?” “And why would you think I need a homemade book in the first place?” A gasp of shock. “Wow. Okay, firstly, it’s not ‘homemade’— the proper terminology here is ‘artisanal’. Secondly, it’s extremely obvious to me and everyone else in Equestria why you need to have this book! In fact, I’m surprised you haven’t realized it yet!” Celestia rolled her eyes, before setting her fork aside. “Just enlighten me, Luna.” Luna glanced around before leaning in towards her sister for a low whisper. “You miss it.” “Miss what?” “You know! Power! Authority, rule of law, that old song and dance of yours! You miss it to bits!” “I’ve told you this already, Luna, I have no intention of returning to power,” Celestia insisted, even as a panther’s smirk pounced from her sister’s lips. “And suppose that’s even remotely true, what does this book have to do with any of it?” “I’m glad you’ve asked! Now, this tale dates back to a more innocent time, a time when you and I were still the keepers of the Canterlotian throne, when the days are fairer and the nights more tranquil—” “Just get to the point.” “Ugh. Fine,” Luna haughtily groused. “Basically, your dearest Twilight recounted to me of the strange practices she had encountered during her excursions in the world beyond the Crystal Mirror. Apparently, on certain mornings, the creatures on the other side would hold massive congregations in these small palaces to perform a ritual where they would keep their heads down and chant these archaic incantations. What’s even stranger is that each and every one of them— mare, stallion and foal alike—each of them are carrying, in their flimsy appendages, a book. Celestia glanced back to the book before her. “You mean like this one?” “Exactly, though I’ve adjusted this one according to scale.” Luna proceeded to flip open the book, revealing the empty pages within. “Now, Twilight did explain to me what these books were for but frankly, I wasn’t really paying attention by the time she got to that part. All I know is that these books and their dictums hold incredible power and influence over the creatures over there—” “And you want me to replicate that power. Here, onto our fellow citizens of Equestria.” Luna gleefully nodded. Celestia could only let out a grave sigh. “Sister, you do remember what happened with the Friendship Journal, right?” “That’s different.” “How is it any different?” “Because that one was plainly about Twilight and her friends’ exhaustingly boring lessons! What they lack was the [i]je nais se quois[/i], the obscurity, the mystique! Where they failed, sister, you and I shall succeed.” “And will it be just this one book?” “It will be the first of many. Fear not, for I’ve already acquired all publishing rights for this book already!” Luna puffed her chest out with pride, much to her sister’s consternation. “Better to be prepared even for the impossible, I’d say!” Reluctantly, Celestia returned her gaze back to the empty pages of the book. She couldn’t deny, there was certainly something strangely exciting about this whole affair. To have the words in this book be treated with the veneration of her speeches of old? Perhaps there was some truth to Luna’s assertions after all? “So what am I supposed to write?” she asked. “Anything.” “Anything?” “Anything.” Celestia bit her lip. “How about this?” she said, breaking into a grin as she began to write. “Those who feast must do so with their mouths shut.” “How shrewd of you,” Luna grumbled, pouting. “Also, do you really have to make do with the salad dressing?” “It’s the only thing lying around that I can use.” With a careful splat, the first sentence was completed. “There. How about you give it a go, Luna? This was your idea, after all.” “If I may be so honored!” Luna declared, the two of them giggling. “Let’s see, let’s see… how about this: all caretakers ignoble shall have their plump posteriors render asunder by the rind of the moon!” Celestia couldn’t help but laugh at the squiggles of mayonnaise sinking into the pages. “You know, we should probably categorize these. For archival reasons.” “The spaces are limited, however.” Luna paused for thought. “Perhaps we can abbreviate them?” “Wonderful idea!” With her magic, the elder alicorn swiped the nearest bottle of ketchup. “I shall label this one ‘[i]MATT[/i]’, for ‘[i]Manners At The Table[/i]’. “And mine shall be ‘[i]PSA[/i]’, for ‘[i]Punishments, Suggest Administering[/i].’ Rather formal, if I do say so myself!” Another hearty laugh left Celestia’s lips. “You know, maybe this wasn’t such a bad idea after all.” “I knew you would come around, dear sister.” Luna beamed. “Perhaps, once we’re done, we shall have Twilight look it over? Make a few quick revisions before publishing?” “Brilliant!” Celestia clapped her hooves together. “I can’t wait to hear what she thinks about this!” [hr] "Luster Dawn, if I catch you sneaking this out from the forbidden section again, I will personally render your posterior asunder, you hear me!"