“Good morning, sir. Welcome to Build-A-Pone. How may I assist you today?”

“Well, I have this coupon for one free pony, so...”

“Very well. Just step right over here and we can get started. Now which pony did you have in mind?”

“Well, Luna has always been my favorite.”

“Oh, I'm sorry, sir, but if you read the fine print on that coupon, you will see that princesses are not included in this offer.”

“Ahhh. I see. I guess that's okay though. I like Rainbow Dash a lot too, so I can just get her instead.”

“I'm sorry, sir; I should have been clearer. The fine print on your coupon specifically says that 'this offer does not include any present, past, or future princesses. Nor does it include any non-pony creatures, including but not limited to dragons, draconequui, changelings, griffons, bears, bugbears, humans, ponies in human form, humans in pony form, and horses. May not be used to purchase [I]dakimakura[/I], because don't sell any; so stop asking, you weebs. Cash value 1/100¢, but please don't try to redeem that way. Void if reproduced, copied, transferred, cursed, burned, eaten, sent back in time, or sold. Not valid in rectangular states. Known to cause cancer in the state of California. Void where prohibited, discouraged, or under restraining order. Expires 9/7/2016.'”

“Okaaaaay then. But what does any of that have to do with Rainbow Dash?”

“Haven't you heard? Rainbow Dash is going to become a princess next season.”

“No, I hadn't heard that. Are you sure?”

“It came straight from the pony's mouth, so to speak.”

“Then how about Pinkie Pie?”

“Surely you jest, sir. Everyone knows that while Pinkie Pie might look like a pony, her abilities make it quite clear that she is really an eldritch abomination from beyond space and time.”

“What about Rarity?”

“Are you also unaware that she will be marrying Prince Blueblood in the season finale?”

“Fluttershy?”

“And she will be marrying Discord in next season's premier, and he is technically the Prince of Chaos.”

“And let me guess: Applejack is going to use a magic apple to become an alicorn next week. Or has she secretly been a changeling the entire time.”

“Of course not, sir. Applejack is definitely a pony, and as far as we know, she is not a princess, and never has been or will become one.”

“Fine. I'll take her then.”

“I'm sorry, sir, but you can't do that.”

“Why not? You just said that she's a not a princess.”

“That is correct. We just don't carry any Applejack merchandise.”