It's late at night as I lay in bed next to my one and only love thinking of everything I’ve never told her about myself. About how many lies I have told her before. [i]She barely knows me and left she loves me. No, that's not true. She thinks I am someone I am not.[/i] I sigh then cover my mouth with a hoof hoping I hadn’t woken her. She stirs a bit only to grip me tighter in her embrace and smile contently in her sleep. I watch for a moment then stare at my hooves. I think about how many ponies I’ve killed before. How many screams I’ve heard as I stabbed ponies with my sword relentlessly and the feelings that came with it. How under King Sombra’s influence I turned into a heartless soldier instead of a pony. But everything has changed now that I’m in this dimension. There’s no need to kill here. I can be myself. I can be the pony I want to be. But I still can’t forget their screams. I shut my eyes tight and try to block out the images of both crystal soldiers and ponies lying dead on one of the many battlefields of the war I used to participate in. Tears leaked out of my eyes and trailed down my face wetting the sheets below me. [i]How could she love me...I’m a monster.[/i] I feel like leaving her. Like getting up off the bed and leaving. Of leaving and never coming back. Of running from everything. [i]I don’t deserve this.[/i] I grind my teeth. [i]I shouldn’t be here.[/i] I grip the sheets tightly. [i]I don’t belong.[/i] I slam my head into the bed as hard as I can. Even though in the very back of my mind I know it won’t hurt. But in every fiber of my being I hope it would. [i]I SHOULD BE DEAD![/i] My love stirs awake and looks towards me, “Wha- Check Mate? What’re you doing?” “Arctic…” I breath out and roll over to stare at her. “N-nothing, dear. Just go back to sleep.” She stares at me for a few minutes then asks me, “Is there something you’d like to tell me, Check Mate?” I shake my head, “No.” [i]It’s better if I don’t.[/i] She stares at me some more, “You sure?” “Yes.” “Well, alright then.” She says and closes her eyes again. I wait until I know she’s fully asleep and then stare back up at the ceiling again. [i]She’s starting to get suspicious. But I can’t tell her. It’ll hurt her if I tell her. She’ll never look at me the same again. She’ll leave me. I just can’t tell her. I won’t tell her. If she knew I once worked with HIM things would never be the same between us…[/i] “No, she doesn’t need to know…” I whisper then close my eyes as I drift off to sleep in her warm, lovely embrace. [i]Maybe none of it was real, maybe it was all just a dream.[/i]