Hey you! Yes you! Do you have personal problems that you feel the need to fix by doing something? Are you bogged down by trying to grow yourself as a person and become a better human being? Do you find it strenuous to engage in even the most basic of activities that force you address your personal shortcomings? Well, now you won’t have to! My new book, [i]Waiting: The Simple Solution to All Problems[/i] details how all your problems will resolve themselves if you just wait. 

You may be asking yourself, dear reader, “Surely, not all problems can be fixed by waiting a really long time. Eventually I must take some responsibility.” And you, my dear ignorant reader, would be completely and utterly wrong. My advanced Wait Until It Fixes Itself©™ technique will fix your problems for you without fail. 

Just check how my award-winning (citation needed) techniques can help you! 

Spousal Arguments: 

Be sure to avoid broaching the subject of the argument for several days and the issue should resolve itself. Be sure to avoid committing to a deeper conversation about personal faults. Estimated Wait Time Before Problem Solves Itself (EWTBPSFI Rating): a week. An easy wait. 

Youtuber or Artist You’re Following Hasn’t Updated Yet: 

Unfortunately, no matter how many death threats you send your favorite artist or Youtuber, it will not hasten their disappointingly glacial progress. I’m not going to lie dear, reader, you are in dire straits when in this situation, but the Wait Until It Fixes Itself©™ technique never fails. EWTBPSFI Rating: a month, a year, several years, depending on how much of a lazy hack the guy is. 

Wife Staying with The In-Laws: 

Now you may be tempted to apologize for whatever behavior caused your wife to leave in the first place, but I urge you to remain steadfast in your commitment to being right. Your wife will respect you more for your convictions than your ability to apologize. Eventually your wife will get tired of staying with her mom and come back to you. EWTBPSFI Rating: two weeks. Not difficult if you’re prepared for it with my patented technique. 

Car Crash Due to Excess Alcohol Consumption and Chronic Depression:

What doesn’t kill you make you stronger! Just lie in the hospital bed until you’re all better. You don’t need a damn therapist—you are fine. Everyone else is the one with the problem. EWTBPSFI Rating: a couple weeks. Don't stress out. 

Wife Cheating on You: 

Don’t get angry. You are a cold, emotionless waiting robot. You are strong, and you will wait this out. Your wife loves you and will soon realize the error of her ways without you having to confront her. EWTBPSFI Rating: a couple months with no sex. Requires advanced utilization of the technique. 

Can’t Find Work:

The market economy will find a place for you! Don’t worry about the small stuff, like how you’re going to feed you children or the pay the rent. Remember, you have a wife who loves and supports you, and she will be able to pick up the slack. EWTBPSFI Rating: a couple months.

Divorce: 

Now part of you may be screaming to go down the street corner and yell at that slut in front of both your kids and create a big scene for the entire neighborhood to see, but that’s not what this book is about, so you definitely won’t do that. I’m just saying it would be very understandable if you did that sort of thing. I mean, you gave that women ten years of your life after all. You’ll patiently wait, because you know that worthless bag of dirt is nothing without you and no way in hell is she getting half your things. She’ll eventually come back after realizing how good you treated her by utilizing this book’s technique. She just needs time to realize it. EWTBPSFI Rating: a year or two. You’re playing the long wait game here, and if you’ve mastered the techniques of this book, she’ll come running back into your loving arms soon enough.

As you can clearly see, the Wait Until It Fixes Itself©™ can applied to just about anything and solves everything without fail. With my book, you’ll go from a sad, alcoholic, depressed, and single man who can’t see his kids to a well-adjusted and happy man who can live his dreams of being a writer. So don’t wait! Buy today and keep your life on track!