"No," said Twilight.

An immense figure leaned down to better stare down at her as she stood upon her balcony, the sheer magnitude of the creature straining the equine mind. Its head was roughly the size of Twilight's entire castle, its body occupying much of the clearing opposite Ponyville. A sinuous line of stars trailed down its spine, as though to underscore its astronomical size.

The dragon raised an eye ridge. "No?"

"No. I am not going to just sit back and let you kidnap me."

The dragon sighed, forcing Twilight to shield herself against the strong, saliva-misted winds. "Miss Sparkle, you are putting me in a very uncomfortable position."

Twilight crossed her forelimbs once she dropped the barrier spell. "Have you [i]seen[/i] my schedule? I don't have time to get kidnapped!"

"Miss Sparkle, I am Draco, the constellatory dragon. And as Mother always said, you can't spell 'constellatory' without 'story.' That's what the constellations are, stories written in the sky. When we descend from the heavens, we have no choice but to act the part. I am not merely a dragon, I am [i]Dragon[/i], trope and archetype. I terrorize villages because that's what dragons do. I hoard treasure because that's what dragons do."

Twilight rolled her eyes. "And you kidnap princesses because [i]that's what dragons do[/i]." She sighed and muttered, "The Ursa Minor was never this bad."

Draco chuckled. Dragons have excellent hearing. "Well, bears tend to be rather benign in stories, don't they? So long as they aren't provoked, of course."

"Of course," Twilight grumbled.

"Fortunately for both of us, dragons are also very intelligent, and thus I am aware of my own predilections. If you resist, I fear that convention would demand that I lay waste to this charming little village in the ensuing struggle." Draco gestured towards Ponyville, which had gone into Tirek-class emergency status—remain indoors and away from windows until the all-clear party—ten minutes ago, when he'd first started appeared on the horizon. "Given what I've heard about you, I assumed you'd prefer the more efficient option."

"Yes, I would." Twilight smirked. "Which is why I went with the [i]most[/i] efficient option."

Draco tilted his head. "What do you mean?"

"Well, it so happens that I know another dragon. One who's [i]nothing[/i] like the stories. And he got in touch with the one princess who you'd never dare kidnap."

Draco gave a thunderous scoff. "I can't imagine who you could possibly be ref—"

"[b]DRACO![/b]" If the scoff was thunder, the shout was a meteor impact.

Physically, Draco stayed the same, but he seemed to shrink in on himself almost as much as his pupils did. Slowly, inexorably, he turned his head to the source of the shout. "M-Mother?"

Luna hovered some distance from the balcony, scowling at him. "What did I tell you about giving in to your narrative compulsions?"

He tried to grin. He certainly managed to bare his teeth. "W-Well, it was so long ago. You can't possibly expect me to—"

"Dragons have excellent memories, young drake."

Draco glared at Luna. "I am over two thousand years old, Mother, I—"

"Am going to your room this instant," said Luna, matching the glare effortlessly. "I didn't raise you to talk back to me like that."

Draco slammed his fist into the earth, making Twilight stumble with the resulting tremors. "You barely raised me at all! You were always with Orion, or Cassiopeia, or the twins, or one of the other [i]pony[/i] constellations! Because that's what this is really about, isn't it, Mother? You're ashamed of me! You've always wished that I could be a pony, or a dumb beast, or a set of black-hole-riddled [i]scales[/i]! Well, you know what? I—"

Luna drifted closer to Twilight as Draco's rant went on. "This has become rather personal," Luna said as she lit her horn, carefully directed Royal Canterlot Voice somehow cutting through the tirade without putting any more strain on Twilight's ears. "Please excuse us." And in a burst of antilight, moon and stars were gone.

Twilight waited for a few moments just to be sure. Then she turned around and gave a shout of her own. "We're good, everypony! Pinkie, start the We're Not Dead party!"