Every day of his miserable life, Counsellor Thyme regretted his choice of vocation. The world of public service at the Fae Executive Management Agency had not turned out to be the life of fame and loose women he had expected. As it turned out, a desk job rubber stamping permits did not grant one prestige or impress the girls at the tavern. Even though the reality of Thyme’s mediocre career had set in long ago, Thyme still dreamed of smiling faces, meaningful work, and upward mobility. That dream had been thoroughly beaten into submission by an unending torrent of irate citizen complaints, bureaucratic red tape, and incompetent councilmembers. From sun rise to sun set, Thyme’s office was besieged by mobs of dwarves, gnomes, and fairies ready to jump down his throat, mostly for things that weren’t his fault. Today was no different. Instead of the smiling face of a buxom blonde elf greeting him at his kiosk, Thyme met the gaze of a scowling orc, who was neither buxom nor blonde. Her bloodshot squint let Thyme know that she was particularly peeved this fine morning. “Human!” she bellowed. Racial animus was typical orc behavior. Always human this and human that. Thyme was tempted to remark that he did, in fact, have a name that was printed clearly on the placard right in front of her. Filthy, filthy orcs and their racial prejudice. “What is the meaning of this?!” She slapped a scroll down on Thyme’s desk hard enough to rattle the pens he stored in his Drink More Coffee mug. It bore the Fae Seal, so at the very least she was in the right place. Thyme gingerly unraveled the scroll, all the while cautiously watching the orc. Couldn’t be too careful with those types. “Ah. . .” Thyme feigned surprised. “It seems this is . . . an eviction notice.” Great. The worst kind of notice. Thyme braced himself for a freak out. “Let me see that!” The orc snatched the scroll out of Thyme’s hands. Thyme sighed. “Ma’am, did you read the document before you came here?” He was asking rhetorically. Of course she hadn’t. “Sorry! I lost my reading glasses last week after a fight with a pack a kobolds!” she said at full volume with the utmost stoicism. “I tried my best to read it, but I just ended up hurting my eyes!” “I see.” Thyme nodded, honeying his words with his best customer-service voice. “If you’d like, I could read it to you. The orc grunted affirmatively. “Notice: Eviction. Due to the infestation of fire faeries and soot drakes, this house is no longer fit for human residence,” Thyme recited. “Thank for your time, signed—” “But I’m not a human!” the orc protested. “It’s a figure of speech, ma’am. It just means unfit to live in generally.” “B-but… that’s not what an eviction is!” “What?” “Forgive me, I forgot to introduce myself! My name is Ogh’De’g’as’d’af, Esquire! I am an attorney specializing in adventurer’s rights!” Ogh’De’g’as’d’af said. “Could you spell th—nevermind. What’s the problem with the document, ma’am?” “An eviction is the legal act of expelling a person from a property which is categorically different from the physical condition or habitability of the premise itself! What was meant was the property was supposed to be condemned!” Ogh’De’g’as’d’af shouted. “Oh.” Thyme bristled. Whoever screwed this up would have hell to pay he swore. “There must have been some kind of error in the processing. . . this was signed by . . .” Dread blossomed in Thyme’s heart as he slowly realized that it was he himself who signed off on this particular document yesterday. “. . . signed by Counsellor Parsley in the next office next door. Let me just amend that document real quick so everything is in order.” Thyme quickly scratched out his own name and replaced his signature with a facsimile imitation of Parsley’s. “. . . that should be enough to put you on your way. I can’t handle paperwork that doesn’t come out of my office. This is Parsley’s responsibility. Be sure to let him have a piece of your mind.” “Oh okay! Thank you very much! You’ve been very helpful!” Ogh’De’g’as’d’af smiled. It was a dreadful cacophony of protruding canines and incisors, but nonetheless somehow warmed Thyme’s heart. She immediately trudged out of Thyme’s office and barged into Parsley’s. “HUMAN!” she bellowed, obviously irritated. Sometimes this job wasn’t that bad.