Applejack looked into the storefront window and sighed.  Granny was getting so old now that it'd be foalish not to prepare.  Even with that spring in her step, she could pass away any day.  The mare took a heavy breath and trotted inside.

A bell tinkled overhead.  "Coming!" called a perky stallion's voice.

[i]Now where have I heard that voice before?[/i] thought Applejack.

She turned to examine one of the caskets: a high-quality, polished walnut coffin with bedding that looked softer than anything she'd ever sat on in her life.  "Like a skeleton needs a mattress," she scoffed.

"Well, some ponies only want the [i]best[/i] for their loved ones," chided that familiar voice, now standing beside her.  Applejack turned and snorted.

"Flam!" she said, as Flam grimaced and backed away.

"Be nice to my brother, Applejack," cautioned Flim, walking into the room.

"You two!  Of all the lowdown, dishonest careers, you'd [i]dare[/i] to fleece grieving—!"

"Now hold up," said Flam, raising a hoof.  "We're not 'fleecing' anypony."

"That's right," said Flim, flanking her.  "We are but humble businessponies, offering comfort during a difficult time."

"Like hog shit you are," spat Applejack, and both brothers blushed.  "Pardon my fancy.  No, on second thought, don't."

"Applejack, please!  It isn't a scam this time," said Flim.  "Yes, our caskets [i]are[/i] on the expensive side.  But they're worth every bit."

"See here," said Flam, opening a nearby casket.  "Solid mahogany, lined with the finest silk."

Applejack turned around, and both brothers ducked.  She gently bucked the side of the casket, echoing a pleasant knock.

"Huh.  That's some solid craftsponyship," she said.  "Where's the catch?"

"No catch!" promised Flim, with a grin.  "We can make a killing these days with the population boom, you know."

"Our supplier does all the work.  We control the shipping, and mark up prices accordingly," said Flam.

"How much?" asked Applejack.

"That one is fifty-thousand," said Flim, smiling wide.

"[i]Fifty-thousand bits?[/i]" gasped Applejack, her jaw slack.  "You're pullin' Kicks McGee!"

"Well, it's like we said.  [i]Some[/i] ponies only want the best for their loved ones," said Flam, gently placing a leg around Applejack's withers.

Applejack bucked the leg off her back.  "When Granny kicks the bucket someday, her corpse ain't gonna feel nothin'.  I just need somethin' solid that'll decompose nice, so she can feed the orchard like she wants.  We can rent a show casket for the viewin'."

"We do rentals too!" said Flim.  "One-thousand for this one, and it's guaranteed to be [i]completely[/i] cleaned between showings."

"Hmm. That's a lot of bits, but ain't bad in this market," admitted Applejack.  "I can't believe I'm sayin' this, but I'll get back to you."

Flam and Flim beamed with pride.

"This is for Granny Smith, yes?" asked Flim.

"You are so thoughtful to plan for her!  But naturally, we hope your granny lives another hundred years," said Flam.

"Wait!" said Flim.  Dashing into the back room, he returned with a wrapped present.  "A gift for your grandmother," he offered, floating it over to Applejack with a wink.

Applejack grabbed the gift and tore through the paper.

"Don't you want it to be a surprise for your dear granny?" Flam said, nervously.

"Nnope," said Applejack.  Inside the box was an unlabeled glass jar filled with what looked like peanut butter.

"Luxury-quality peanut spread," said Flim, wearing a plastic grin.  "For a mare with a sweet tooth."

Applejack unscrewed the lid, tapped her hoof into the confectionary, and licked.  Her eyes narrowed and she growled like a timber wolf.

Flim and Flam backed up as Applejack stomped forward.  "N-not a fan?" asked Flam.

"We have other—" began Flim.

"This spread's got [i]hazelnuts[/i].  Granny's deathly allergic," said Applejack.

Flim gasped and held his hooves to his face.  "Oh my goodness!  We had no idea!" he said.

"She listed her allergies when you pedalled that 'miracle tonic' last year!" snarled Applejack.

"Oops?" whimpered Flam.

[hr]

Flam lit his horn, illuminating the cramped space he and his brother now occupied.

"You don't suppose she would leave us nailed in forever?" asked Flim.

"A customer is bound to walk in and discover us soon enough," reassured Flam.

"Although, the caskets [i]are[/i] nearly soundproof," noted Flim.

"But it's a good thing they're so soft inside, isn't it!" said Flam.

Flim squirmed in place.  "Oh dear.  Perhaps we [i]should[/i] have washed out the maggots from the previous rental."

Out on the abandoned showroom floor, if a pony listened [i]very[/i] closely, they could almost hear the cries for help.