"I cannot believe you are actually going through with this, sister!" said Princess Luna, a look of frustration plastered across her muzzle.

"I'll only be gone for a month, Luna. I'm sure you can manage." With the patience of a true artist, Princess Celestia airbrushed the finishing touches of her cutie mark onto the wax figure.

Luna huffed. "It matters not how perfect a replica it is, Celie. The ceremony shall be a waste of millions of bits, not to mention the emotional turmoil you are causing to your little ponies!"

Celestia turned to her sister and gently cupped a hoof beneath her chin. "You'll be fine. And I believe it's worth a few million bits if I get to have a vacation for the first time in a millennium."

"Then what of your friends, Celie? How are they expected to handle this?" asked Luna.

"It's been taken care of," said Celestia, with a gentle grin. "Twilight and her friends already know, as does Cadance. My staff are prepared for every contingency. If dignitaries from foreign lands decide to visit, they will enjoy the ceremonies and our kingdom will grow stronger."

"And when the public learns of this ruse, after the most expensive funeral in the history of our great nation?" said Luna. "What then, oh dear sister?"

"Luna, we've already gone over this," said Celestia, frowning. "We'll just say I came back to life. Most of them think I'm some sort of goddess. They'll buy anything we tell them. We'll have a grand celebration afterwards, you'll see."

Luna sighed dejectedly. "I do not look forward to eulogizing my sister, whom I love so dearly. But far worse than this, I do not believe my attempts will be believable. I know you yet to be among the living, and I am not so gifted an actress as you are. This burden you are placing upon my withers pains me, Celie."

"Okay, fine. Maybe your performance won't be realistic," said Celestia, with a shrug. "No matter. You're a powerful alicorn, currently under great stress. For royalty, any behavior short of actual crime can be justified, no matter how queer."

"Any behavior?" said Luna, the muscles at one corner of her muzzle twitching. "Perhaps. We shall see what our citizens can swallow."

"That's the spirit!" said a smiling Celestia. "Have fun with it."

[hr]

Thousands of ponies gathered below the stage, politely gasping and whining as everypony struggled admirably to avoid committing open treason. The sea of faces squirmed, bodies tensing and jaws gnashing as though each pony in attendance desperately needed to pee.

At the front of the crowd, the table of dignitaries showed remarkable restraint. Most of them planted one hoof or set of talons directly in their mouth and covered their eyes with the other. Only the emissary from Yakyakistan seemed completely unaffected.

In the first row of the audience, Pinkie Pie clearly fared worst. Her cheeks bulged out from holding her breath as her face turned a multifarious array of colors, while she simultaneously and repeatedly punched herself in the side of the head. Rainbow Dash sat right beside her, eyes clenched tightly and whining through her nose as though in great pain. Twilight's other friends hid their faces in their hooves and desperately gasped for breath every minute or so.

On Luna's right flank stood Princess Twilight Sparkle, blushing furiously. On her left stood Princess Cadance, hiding her face in her hoof. In front of the alicorns lay the coffin on a shining golden pedestal, from which Princess Celestia's unmistakeable, royal Sun-emblazoned hindquarters emerged like a hillock of smooth ivory. Far overhead, the Equestrian flag flapped gently in the breeze. Yet nopony dared look toward it, for the shiny metal pole stretched toward the Heavens at an unseemly angle.

"...and neigh, though we may never know the [i]full[/i] reason why my sister saw fit to shove a flagpole so far up her own ass as to take her dearly beloved spirit from this world, I am certain we can all rest assured she died doing that which she loved most. And for that, we are grateful."

Pinkie collapsed onto the ground, pounding her hooves mightily against the stone flooring as a high-pitched whine gurgled in her throat.

"Lulu, why did you do this," mumbled Cadance, wincing as she bit her tongue.

Twilight Sparkle sighed. "She's going to kill you," she whispered. "Certainly, you realize this."

Luna smirked and whispered back. "Acceptable. I am prepared to fake it."