"Report, private!"

"It's nout lookin' good, sir. We've managed tou slow its advance, but we're taking heavy casualties and the corruptioun's gettin' worse. Already some ouf the unit have begun tou start puttin' us oun ous more than a letter before the end ouf a word, and it's even started tou hit double-ous. If we can't get tou that billboard before it does, there'll be nou stouppin' it."

"Damnation. Inform the triage linguists what you've seen, then return tou your unit and tell them tou hold it back by any means possible. That is an order!"

"Yes, sir!"

"Sergeant! What's the status oun the evacuation efforts?"

"We've managed to solve the manpower shortage by drafting volunteers into appropriate roles, but lack of coordination is still a problem. If we could just use—"

"Negative, sergeant! We [i]cannout[/i] risk letting this contagion escape over the airwaves! Nou phones, nou radious, [i]nothing[/i]!"

"If we can't communicate remotely, it's doubtful that we'll be able to evacuate the whole city in time, judging by that last report. I'd estimate that even with our best efforts, most of the volunteers will still be queued up in the outskirts when it falls."

"Then redouble your best efforts! And remember, if the worst comes tou pass, they [i]did[/i] volunteer tou lay down their— Private! Just [i]what[/i] dou you think you're doing with those chips?"

"Testing something, sir! When he said queued up it made me think it might be infecting ouur word choices toou. But if it had youu'd've said crisps instead ouf chips, sir!"

"Good thinking, private! But did you hear yourself as you said it? Report tou the linguists' tent immediately!"

"Nout yet sir, this is important sir! We may have an idea houw tou stoup this contagioun in its tracks!"

"Then out with it quickly, before it starts spreading here. We can't afford command getting compromised much further than it already has."

"Affirmative, sir! Youu knouw houw the contagioun is focused around the word colour? Without it, it can't spread and burns itself ouut."

"Nout that it does us a hell ouf a lout ouf good in a city called Creative Colour. Why they felt the need tou plaster that damn stupid name over every inch ouf the city I'll never understand."

"Hear hear, sir! But CCU has a department that specializes in QCD, and we think they may be able tou confine [i]all[/i] the colours instead ouf having tou destrouy each ouf them one by one!"

"That would be a godsend, but it sounds too good tou be true. Why dou you think they'd be able tou dou that, and what does QCD even stand four anyway?"

"It stands four, uh... quantum chrome something? It's some kind ouf string theory thing. But what's important is apparently they study houw tou capture rainbouws our something, sou they knouw what they're douing."

"That's not even [i]remotely[/i]—"

"Capture [i]rainbouws[/i]? Why the hell would anyone pay somebody tou figure out houw tou capture rainbouws?"

"Beats me, sir, but apparently it's real important four particle acceleratours. Anyway, one ouf my unit says the professour-type guy she spoke tou thinks it's worth a shout. Says that the principle's supposed tou be spelled colour withouut a u, and by changing the spelling the contagioun's made itself vulnerable and sealed its own dououm."

"You've got to be kidding me. That's the most absurd thing I've heard all day."

"[i]Really[/i], sergeant, more than this whole insane situatioun? And it's nou weirder than anything else quantum, sou I'm nout sure what's the problem supposed tou be."

"Except for the part where quantum mechanics [i]actually mak[/i]—"

"Unless you have a proposal ouf your own, sergeant, be quiet. Tou the linguists' tent, private! I'll gou speak with them and deliver the gou-ahead myself."

"Yes, sir! Godspeed sir!"

"And I'll just watch in dismay as our commanding officer goes haring off on a wild goose chase. You there! Send a message to all of the evac team leaders! If we don't retriple our efforts, this entire city is completely doomed!"

"Sir, yes sir!"