We are deeply sorry that you have an infestation of self-replicating information patterns in your local baryonic matter substrate.

You will probably feel ashamed about the situation, but you don't have to be. It is common knowledge that regularly collapsing larger clumps or agitating the environment to support a healthy exchange of matter between the border and the center of denser structures is enough to stop complex and resilient forms of information patterns to form, but this is not completely true.

The reality is that, while the mechanism through which it happens is not yet fully understood, baryonic matter has the tendency to create increasingly complex self-propagating patterns at an astounding speed once the conditions are right. It has demonstrated more than once a fascinating adaptability against the common prophylactic and sanitizing procedures, and a worrisome capability to change faster and faster, making the cleaning up more difficult the longer the infestation proceeds. Which simply means that sometimes it happens and there is no way to avoid it.

Even if it is normal, be careful. If your local infestation has progressed enough to get nourishment from non-baryonic sources, then there is a serious risk for your health. Please call immediately a specialist to evaluate if more drastic interventions are required, and if necessary let it collapse the whole substrate and the reinstall a new one.

If things are not yet at such an advanced state, then we are glad to offer you our award-winning Total Entropyzer. We have dedicated much attention to the study of this kind of infestations, and have developed a solution that, if used in the early phases, is guaranteed to bring a stop to your problems without large-scale rearrangements of your local substrate.

The three key traits to our success are: Information, Redundancy, and Form

Information, as in a policy of complete and utter honesty. Each instance of our product coming in contact with the infestation will declare its function in every detail, without withholding anything. We use specific keywords and concepts like [i]Omnicide[/i] and [i]Total, inescapable annihilation[/i] to get the highest success rate in our field. Our Semantic Translation Technology guarantees a completely informed choice on the infestation side, which should put to rest any ethical concerns you may have.

Redundancy, as in a high penetration among the single cellular automatons composing the ongoing infestation. We strive to reach a density of one instance of our Total Entropyzer for three million of automata.

Form, as in something enticing and irresistible for the infestation components. We refined it through each iteration and have reached the peak in design and elegance. Each instantiation is now a simple geometrical form composed of six equally sized sides and a single, movable protuberance which reflects the light at six hundred eighty nm. Activating the protuberance activates the sanitizing process, triggering it from the inside of the infestation and keeping it localized to where it is truly needed.

Apply it to each infected cluster, being careful to distribute it everywhere, and your problems will be solved in an instant.

Remember, baryonic matter may only comprise five percent of your home, but keeping it healthy and infection free is the key to a long and pleasant permanence.

[hr]

Kevin stared at the black box with the big, red button standing in his living room. It was a perfect cube, three feet on each side and covered in stickers saying, "Will cause Omnicide", "Will terminate all life" and "Guarantees total, inescapable annihilation". There was a note attached to it.

He stepped nearer and read it. It was a complicated explanation about how pressing the button would end all life, everywhere. It concluded with a [i]Thank you for your attention.[/i]

He looked at the note again, then at the button. The big, red button.

The house was silent, Amber was out and Irvine wouldn't return for another week. He said out loud, "Whoever planned this prank should have gone for something more believable." No response came. He sipped his coffee and thought about who could have put that thing there.

Then he shrugged and reached out.