“A quest!  That’s what you need,” Jake bellows as he throws an arm around my shoulders and pulls me a trifle too close for comfort.  He gestures towards the vast, far-away tracts of my cramped living room wall.  “Our five-hour mission: to sally forth into the city.  To explore strange niche stores!  To seek out new foods and new microbreweries!  To boldly go where-”

“Rein it in, sweetie,” Kestrel says as she gently lays a hand on Jake’s face and pushes him away.  He flumps into my recliner as she turns to me, a smile on her face that can’t quite mask the concern in her eyes.  “C’mon, Pete.  It won’t be the same without you.”

“Yeah, dude,” Brian calls from his sprawled position on the couch, “don’t leave me as the third wheel to these two lovebirds.”  His eyes never leave his phone, thumbs feverishly pecking away at some endless runner game.  “They’ll strip down and start boning in the back seat halfway to the city limits if there’s not a second set of eyes to keep 'em in check.”

I suppress a sigh.  I love my friends dearly, but they’re not actors.  There’s an undercurrent of tension in the room, like a watch spring wound just a bit too tight.

I put on my best attempt at a conscientious smile.  “Ha, yeah.  I’m sorry, dude, but you’ll have to make do.  I’m gonna sit this one out.”  I'm fiddling with my ring.  I shove my hands in my pockets, hoping nobody noticed.

Brian snorts.  Jake and Kestrel exchange a glance - they noticed, and they’re not going to just let it go this time.  I groan inwardly as Jake stands and takes a step forward.  “Pete, you’ve ‘sat out’ of the last dozen hangouts.  You can’t stay cooped up in this apartment forever.”

I look away.  “I know, I know.”  There's no way I can make them understand, but I try anyways. “I guess it’s… It was her birthday today.”

“Whose birthday?” Brian asks as he finally looks up.  Maybe he actually doesn’t know?  Bonus points for honesty, then.

Jake scowls at him as Kestrel smacks Brian across the back of the head.  “Ow!  What the fuck was-”  He stops short and visibly pales.  “Oh.  Right.”  His gaze falls to the floor.

I sigh.  So much for subtlety.  “Guys, I really appreciate what you’re trying to do here, but I’m fine.  I just- I’m not feeling up to it, is all.  You go on ahead.”  My eyes flick to the picture on the wall before I can stop myself.  I look to Jake and Kestrel as they glance at each other again - they didn’t miss it.  Damn.

Jake looks away and leans against the corner of the hallway, arms folded.  Kestrel comes in close to rest a hand on my shoulder, her voice soft and low. “Pete, it’s been over a year now.  You can't just close yourself off from the rest of the world.  We miss you.”  Her eyes shine, and I can tell her words come from straight from her heart.

My resolve weakens, and I curse myself for it.  “Look, I know you guys mean well, but I just want to stay home tonight.”

“Christ.” Brian pockets his phone as he sits up. “Look, Pete. You’re not doing anyone any kindness by turtling up and folding in on yourself.  Do you really want Karen’s legacy to be you being miserable for the rest of your life?”

Anger flares up within me as I glare at him.  “Her legacy goes far beyond what I choose to do with my evenings.”

“Not to us, it doesn't,” Brian states as he matches my stare.

“Man, shut the fuck up, Brian,” Jake says as he rounds on him, pain clear on his face.

Brian gets to his feet.  “What? Tell me I’m wrong!”  An uncomfortable silence fills the room as Jake looks away again, fuming. 

My eyes dart to Karen’s portrait once more. Her uniform, a black jacket over deep blue pants, is immaculate. The barest hint of a smile tugs at the corner of her mouth. 

A black ribbon crosses the upper right corner of the frame.

Her smile draws my eye.  It’s almost… reassuring.  Encouraging?  Maybe I'm reading too much into it.  But then, what does that say about what I really want?

I take a deep breath.  “Okay,” I say as I put some effort into keeping my voice steady, “where are we going?”