There were only a few things Doli generally expected to see on her commute home from work. Dirt. Sparse shrubbery. An empty sky and a harsh sun. The occasional hollowed out shell of an ancient car.

A beautiful blonde white girl hitchhiking down the side of the road wasn't one of them.

Doli slowed down, the rusty piece of crap some might generously refer to as a pickup truck protesting loudly as she downshifted. She squinted through the nicotine haze of her windshield, trying to get a better look.

The girl seemed of a similar age to her own—mid twenties, give or take. Her golden hair hung over her bare shoulders, wavy and full in volume, like the kind you’d see in a shampoo commercial. Her skin was so pale it seemed almost blinding in the desert sun, utterly flawless and perfect. She wore a tanktop and a frame backpack, one left thumb casually held out to the side as she walked along the shoulder of the empty highway.

It seemed like something that should be too good to be true. Was the girl bait, with car thieves lying in wait around the corner? But there wasn’t an underbrush or ditch for anyone to be hiding in. Just the open expanse of nothingness that was northern New Mexico.

Doli pulled to a stop near the girl, then leaned over and rolled down the passenger side window. “Hi.”

The girl turned to her and smiled widely with perfect white teeth. “Hiya!”

Doli blinked, and rubbed at her eyes. Her early assessment of the girl must have just been a projection of her own mind. She was blonde and beautiful, yes, but her hair was tangled and dirty, her skin a golden brown tan from time spent in the sun, and her clothes were smudged with sweat and dust. “Uh, where are you headed?”

“Anywhere you want to take me,” the girl said with a shrug.

A dry wind blew past them, and the truck coughed, spitting out a plume of black smoke from its exhaust pipe. “That's not a very helpful answer.”

“I'm not a very helpful person.”

Doli sighed. “I’m headed home, back to the reservation to drink until I pass out. I don't think you really want to come with me. You'd be better off hitchhiking the other direction.”

The girl giggled, and she took a swig from a water bottle. “That sounds like my kind of party. I mean, if you want some company. It’s always nice to crash somewhere instead of sleeping on the ground.”

This was insane. Who would just let a hitchhiker sleep at their house? Even if they weren’t a serial killer, it seemed like a good way to get robbed. Not that Doli had anything worth stealing. She took a closer look at the girl’s backpack, and realized it included a well worn tent and sleeping bag.

After a long silence, Doli finally mumbled, “How do I know you won’t just stab me or something?”

The girl stretched her arms over her head. “I haven’t stabbed anyone yet. For all the hitchhiking I’ve done, nobody’s tried to stab me yet either, which is pretty cool. And you seem nice enough.”

“You don’t even know my name,” Doli grumbled. Against her better judgement, she leaned over and opened the passenger door.

“Awesome. I’m Brittany!” she said. Her backpack was unstrapped and tossed into the bed of the pickup before she climbed inside.

“Doli,” she said, shaking Brittney’s hand.

The truck stalled out, and it took her several tries to get it started again before she jerked uneasily back onto the road.

“So, are you like, a tourist or something?” Doli asked, turning her head to face the stranger she had just let into her truck. “Because if you are, all the stuff worth looking at is a hundred miles back that way.”

Brittany laughed. “Nah, I’ve already seen the cool shit. I meant what I said earlier. I just ride with people as far as they’re willing to take me. Mostly it just involves bouncing back and forth around the southwest. Kind of getting tired of the desert though."

Doli opened her mouth to respond, then swore as she hit a pothole and the truck lurched.

“Ow, fuck!” Brittany screamed. She rubbed at her back and turned around to glare at the seat. “Is this seat made of knives or something?”

“Oh, right. Sorry,” Doli mumbled. “There’s some wires poking through the fabric there. I should put some duct tape over them or something, but nobody rides with me anyway so I always forget.”

Brittany grinned. She dug around her feet until she found a oil stained rag, then stuffed it in between the small of her back and the seat. “That should do the trick. Nothing quite like a junker, eh?”

“Don’t have much of a choice but to keep her running.” Doli glanced over at Brittany, and caught the girl's eyes. They were a vibrant blue that demanded further inspection. Doli looked down instead, and caught an eyeful of full and tanned cleavage.

“Like what you see?” Brittany asked, her tone sultry.

Before Doli could stutter an apology, Brittany laughed and leaned forward, pulling her shirt down partially and spreading her breasts apart. A small tattoo of a bluebird rested on her chest right in the center. “I’m pretty proud of it.

Doli kept her eyes on the road and muttered something noncommittal.

They drove in silence for a time, before Brittany spoke up again. “Hey, thanks a bunch for actually picking me up. And if you really mean to let me stay with you for a night, thanks even more, but if not, it’s okay. I can always find my own way.”

Doli had absolutely no idea what she was doing. It went against every shred of common sense she had learned. Don’t talk to strangers. Don’t pick up hitchhikers. Don’t let strange white people into your home.

Her Grandpa probably would’ve helped her though.

“It’s no problem,” Doli muttered. “Just pay it forward. Or I think that’s what you’re supposed to say.”

“I do my best,” Brittany said with a wide smile. “Your hair is really pretty by the way.”

Doli blinked, and glanced into her rear view mirror. Her reflection stared back, with its glossy straight black hair, high cheekbones, and rough tanned skin. The sad ensemble was perfectly complimented by her unflattering polo with the Qwik Stop logo stitched into it. “I look just like any other native girl my age. It’s nothing special.”

Brittany shook her head. “Nope. You look like you, and personally, I think it’s a good look.”

“I… thanks.” Doli bit her lip, and found herself blushing. She found herself mentally cursing the awkward slur in her own accented english, compared to the perfect diction of this girl who could have stepped off the cover of a fashion magazine.

An awkward silence fell over them for about a mile, the wind whipping through the open windows of the truck. Doli dug into the pocket of her jeans and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. “Hey, there’s a lighter in the glove box, could you grab it for me?”

“Sure.” Brittany found it quickly, then held out the flame.

Doli welcomed the warm comfort of the smoke in her lungs, and she blew it out the window. She slowed down, pulling onto the rough unmarked dirt road that would take her home. “Want one?”

Brittany picked up one of the cigarettes and twisted it about in her fingers, eying it askance. She shrugged, lit it up, and took a long drag, only to immediately start coughing her lungs out.

“Are you okay? I… have you never smoked before?”

“What, noo,” Brittany said in between coughs. She waved a hand dismissively. “I’m totally just like all the other cool kids, see?”

Doli blinked, and she almost started to crack a smile, but a sudden realization send a chill down her spine and her heart started to race. “Cool kids? You’re not like, sixteen, are you?”

“No, I…” Brittany coughed some more, cleared her throat a few times, and drank from her water bottle. “I’m not sure whether I should be flattered or insulted, but no. I’m twenty four.”

Doli pursed her lips.

“What, do you need to see my ID?” She raised an eyebrow, then grinned. “Or maybe you’d prefer to count my rings?”

Doli did burst out laughing then.

Brittany laughed along with her. “You’ve got a great smile. I bet not many people get to see it, huh?”

The words cut deep, and Doli felt her smile falter. When [i]was[/i] the last time she’d actually laughed at something? With a grunt, she turned the truck off the road, and pulled up to her trailer, her quaint little home nestled in the shade of a nearby plateau. “Well, we’re here. I hope you weren’t expecting five stars.”

“If you’ve got a shower, it might as well be the nicest hotel in Paris for all I care.” Brittany opened the door and swung down from the truck, then took a moment to stretch. “You live alone?”

“Yeah.” Doli glanced over at her mailbox, which was stuffed full of spam and unpaid bills, but she wasn’t going to sort through those while she had a guest. Crap, she had a guest. “I, uh, it might be a bit messy. Also, there’s barely any hot water.”

“Crap. Well, a shower is a shower.” 

Doli grabbed her bag of groceries from the bed of the pickup truck, then led the way. She unlocked the front door and opened it. Her home didn’t really seem presentable, but she supposed it wasn’t a sty or anything. Just a few dirty dishes in the sink, and a pile of laundry in one corner of her room. She tried to keep it clean.

“Very roomy,” Brittany said, placing her own bag on the table. She peered around the cramped quarters as if she was looking for something, then frowned. “Aww, you really do live alone. I was hoping you had a cat or something.”

“Had one when I was a kid, but it ran off,” Doli said. She began taking out her groceries and putting them away in her kitchen cabinets. She left the recently purchased bottle of rum on the table. “Never gave it much thought after that. Cat food is expensive.”

“I kind of hate owning them, but I love playing with other people's animals.” Brittany dug through her backpack until she pulled out a small clear plastic bag filled with toiletries. “So, that shower?”

Doli pointed down the narrow hallway. “Help yourself. There should be clean towels in the cabinet there.

“Thanks! You’re a lifesaver.” Brittany quickly disappeared behind the thin wooden door. The sound of running water echoed through the trailer.

With a sigh, Doli pulled out a glass, added a handful of ice cubes, and poured herself some rum. She sat down at the kitchen table, the rough metal legs of the chair scratching the dirty linoleum beneath it. The drink burned pleasantly, a familiar warmth that helped melt away the mind numbing drudgery.

She was entirely too dependent on the stuff, but she didn’t particularly care.

Or at least, she normally didn’t. For all the empty monotony that was her life, something special seemed to be happening. Or maybe it was something insane and dangerous. Was her loneliness overriding her judgement that thoroughly? Either way, the most beautiful girl she’d ever seen was currently naked in her house just a few feet away. It was a rather sobering thought.

Which was just something she’d have to fix.

Her eyes tracked up to the wall, where a picture hung, the kindly face of her grandfather with his hand on her shoulder as the little ten year old Doli held up the fish she had caught.

‘Little Bluebird’, he’d always called her. Hadn’t there been something in some old Navajo legend about bluebirds? Some sort of correlation with happiness? Or maybe that had just been some old movie.

By the time Brittany came out of the shower, having thrown on a loose t-shirt and some pajama pants, Doli had already finished half of her glass.

Brittany scrunched her nose up at Doli’s drink. “Just straight rum, huh? You got any cola?”

Doli shrugged. “Might be some in the fridge.”

“Cool.” Brittany found the mixer in question, then set about making herself a drink with a little less bite than something straight out of the bottle.

They both drank in silence for a few minutes. Doli stared into her glass, swirling the rum around her ice cubes, and finally spoke up. “So, why are you [i]really[/i] here? Nobody just hitchhikes around for fun. It’s too dangerous.”

Brittany tapped her fingers on the table. Her nails had been painted pink at some point, but the polish was faded and chipped. “I do. And I’ve had some great experiences, and met a lot of cool people. Like you. But you’re also right, I’ve had some close calls. But I’m not dead yet.”

“But [i]why?”[/i] Doli struggled to find her words and she fidgeted in her chair. She waved her hand vaguely at Brittany. “You’re just so…”

“Blonde?” Brittany asked, her tone bitter. “Beautiful, sexy, drop dead gorgeous, full of potential with bright career prospects and her whole life ahead of her? Well, it’s all true. Or it was a least once. And probably could be again if I really wanted.”

Doli bit her lip. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to pry.”

Brittany shook her head, then took a long draw from her glass. “It’s fine. It’s my own shit after all, I’m the one who has to carry it around. I mean, if you really want to know what’s up, I’ll share but it’ll cost you.”

“Cost me?” Doli narrowed her eyes.

“Yep!” Brittany laughed. She grabbed the bottle of rum, topped off her mixed drink, then stood up and crossed the divider between the kitchen and Doli’s room. She promptly sat down on Doli’s bed and stuck out her tongue. “You want my story, I get the bed. That couch of yours looks worse than the seat in your truck.”

Doli glanced over at the ratty piece of so-called furniture and sighed. “I’ve got a cot stashed around here somewhere. Haven’t used it in years, but should still be functional.”

“Hmm. Good counter offer, but…” Brittany pressed her hands against the mattress, testing it. “This isn’t half bad. Not too small either. If you want we could share, I don’t mind.”

“Whatever. Do what you want,” Doli mumbled. She tried to hide her blush behind her drink, but the way Brittany was giggling suggested that it wasn’t working. 

“Great!” Brittany set her drink aside on the nearby end table and spread out on the bed, her blonde locks still damp from the shower. “Let’s see, where to start… I mean, I guess I had a pretty perfect life. Loving parents. Loyal friends. A few relationships, though nothing serious. Got pretty solid grades in college. Had an internship that transitioned to a well paying job right away.”

Doli made her way into the bedroom as well, and sat down on her couch, avoiding the uncomfortable parts. She stayed silent, waiting for Brittany to continue.

Brittany glanced up at her and sighed. “If you’re expecting some sort of horrible tragedy at this point, you're wrong. Saying this all out loud makes me sound like a selfish, entitled, insane idiot, and that’s probably true. I spent two years in that company in an office job, filling out paperwork, managing spreadsheets, correcting errors in the formatting of official reports. It was menial, but there was a little bit of challenge to it, at least.”

“You should try working in the same gas station for seven years.” Doli took another drink, then realized it was almost empty and the bottle was all the way on the kitchen table.

“Had a similar job in High School, but you’re right. I sound petty. But I dunno. It started to get to me over time. I became pretty disgusted with the idea that I’d have to spend forty hours a week doing this for the rest of my life. I mean, there’s other jobs, but work will always be work. A girl like me could probably find a partner willing to take care of me, but it didn’t feel right. Nothing felt right.”

“It’s not something we really have around here, but isn’t that the point where you’re supposed to go to therapy or whatever?” Doli asked.

“That would’ve been the smart thing to do. The sane thing to do.” Brittany sat up. She tried to grin, but it was weak. “I snapped I guess. I was ready to put a bullet in my brain, but I couldn’t pull the trigger. So I ran instead. Just went outside and started walking. Someone picked me up and carried me with them out of California, and I’ve just been kind of bouncing around ever since. My luck won’t last forever, and I’ll probably be killed by something or another one of these days, but I think this is a funner way of doing it.”

Doli stared. This girl really was crazy. But what she was talking about… she could relate. Even if their base situations were miles apart. She medicated her empty life by drinking alone, and it wasn’t like she could claim the moral high ground on coping mechanisms.

“Sorry,” Brittany mumbled. She tightened her fists around the bedsheets, staring at the floor. “I’m not even a very authentic hobo. I check in with my parents occasionally, and have a credit card to their account I can use for emergencies. Everyone is always super sweet and nice to me and doesn’t think I’m a threat because I’m just a pretty blonde white girl. But as you can see, I’m a total lunatic. If that weirds you out, I’ll go, it’s okay.”

Alcohol burned in Doli’s veins, and she found herself crossing the small space from the couch to the bed. She sat down next to Brittany, and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. “It’s fine. Everyone’s got their own brand of crazy.”

Brittany barked a short laugh, then rested her head on Doli’s shoulder. “I knew there something special about you, Doli.” She looked up and their eyes met, and she smiled. “Well, you’ve heard my pathetic excuse for a sob story. What about you? What’s your brand?”

Doli looked away, struggling to pull herself from the blue abyss of her gaze. “Captain Morgan,” she muttered. “I don’t know. There’s not much to say.”

“Come on. Quid pro quo, right?”

Doli sighed. “Mom and dad died in a car accident before I could remember. Grandpa raised me. He was a good man. Tried to teach me a bunch about Navajo traditions and history, but I barely listened. This was his trailer, and his truck outside. He passed a few years ago. After that it’s just me. Life keeps going, even if there’s nothing in it.”

Brittany nodded, then grinned. She licked her lips, and leaned in close. “Thanks for telling me. So, when did you figure out you were gay?”

“I—”

Brittany pressed her lips against Doli’s. Her breath was heavy with alcohol and a hint of that cigarette she had tried earlier.

Doli melted into the kiss, pulling Brittany even closer against her, whatever reservations and inhibitions she had fading away in the moment.

After maybe a minute of passion Doli pulled back, panting.

Brittany had a wide grin on her face. “Well?”

“Figured it out during gym class back in highschool,” Doli muttered. Her head swam a little from the booze, but she suspected it had more to do with euphoria.

“Ever been with a girl before?”

“One. Had a brief thing maybe six years ago. She was half white though, and ended up going to college.”

Brittany nodded, and flashed her perfect teeth. “Guess I’m your type then, huh?”

“You have no idea,” Doli growled, then dove into another kiss.

[hr]

Chill nighttime air drifted in through the open windows of the trailer, and the two lovers snuggled up together under the covers.

Doli ground out her cigarette in a nearby ashtray, and sighed. She felt alive, more so than she had in months, maybe years. The term ‘mind blowing sex’ had always seemed like an over exaggeration, but now...

Brittany let out a soft contented sigh, resting her head on Doli’s chest. “That was fun. You’re a lot of fun.”

“I could get used to that,” Doli said, chuckling.

“I know, right?” Brittany met her eyes and smiled. “You should come with me.”

Doli blinked, and she felt a knot grow in the pit of her stomach. “I said we’re all our own brand of crazy, and that’s not mine. If I’m going to be aimless in the desert, I’ll do it from my comfort of my trailer.”

Brittany bit her lip, the blue of her eyes standing out in the moonlit darkness. “It doesn’t have to be the desert. I’m tired of all this dirt anyway. I wanna go somewhere green. Up north, to Washington, or maybe even Canada.”

This was just a brief moment of happiness in an otherwise bleak existence. She could enjoy what little time there was to have with this strange traveler but she couldn’t let herself dream of anything greater. “What would you even do up there?”

“Find a forest,” Brittany said, her eyes glinting. “One of those big ones, with nobody around. Get as far away from civilization as you can, set up camp, and just live off the land. I went camping a bunch as a kid, and watched a bunch of those survival reality shows. It can’t be that hard.”

Doli rolled her eyes. “That’s suicidal. Sounds like a good way to starve to death, or get some intestinal parasite, or get eaten by a bear or break your leg with nobody around to help you. Or freeze to death when winter rolls around.”

“And you could roll your truck driving to work on Monday, or get shot in a gas station robbery.” Brittany crossed her arms over her chest and blew her bangs out of her eyes. “We could just migrate back south when winter comes, or tough it out. Did you ever learn to hunt or fish?"

“My grandfather taught me what he could, but…” Doli shook her head and sighed. She did her best to smile, and placed a hand on Brittany’s hip. “Look, Brittany, I know you’re looking to… well, to die. And I know I don’t have anything going on in my own life, but I’m not ready to end it all just yet.”

“I don’t [i]want[/i] to die,” Brittany muttered, a strained edge to her voice. “We all die someday, and there’s nothing we can do about it. I just want to… to live differently. It’s been fun so far, but I think I’d like it a lot more with someone like you by my side. It doesn’t have to be a permanent thing. You want to bail a week into it, you can bail. I have the card for emergencies. Please?”

Doli closed her eyes. What would it really mean, to just pack up and leave everything behind? She’d lose her job, for starters. She hated her manager, her coworkers, and all the customers. They’d be glad to be rid of her. Nobody would miss her. Her grandfather’s trailer would sit here, unmaintained, just another rusted out heap in this dusty shithole. Maybe someone would eventually wander by and loot what little valuable there was.

She opened her mouth, and her heart raced. She wasn’t seriously considering this, was she? It was insane. There wasn’t a place for her out there, especially not at the side of some crazy and fickle lilly white girl that she barely knew who already had a habit of running away. She belonged here, with her people, slowly dying like the rest of them. She didn’t deserve anything better than a failed liver by the time she was forty.

“It’ll be fun,” Brittany whispered, a desperate pleading in her eyes.

“I…” Doli squeezed her eyes shut, flinching against her gaze and looked away. “I can’t. I’m sorry.”

“I see.”

The two of them sat there in silence for what seemed like an eternity, only the sounds of the rustling wind and nighttime insects filtering in from outside.

As Doli started to doze off, she heard Brittany sigh, then giggle.

“Sorry for getting all maudlin there,” Brittany said with a grin, then she propped herself up over Doli. “No fun in that. You up for round two?”

Doli was about to object—the mood seemed shattered at this point—but then soft fingers on her thigh sent shivers up her spine and she reconsidered quite thoroughly.

[hr]

Doli woke up to an empty bed.

The trailer wasn’t particularly big, so it didn’t take long to figure out that Brittany had left entirely, and wasn’t just in the shower again.

The note left for her on the table only confirmed it.

[i]Dear Doli,[/i]

[i]Thanks a lot for letting me stay with you last night. And for the waffle I stole from your freezer. And for the amazing sex. <3 There’s something to be said about a human connection like that, even if it’s brief.[/i]

[i]I don’t know what I’m looking for out of my life. I’m mostly just selfishly running away. I’ve accepted that, but I don’t blame you for not following my whims. I hope I find what I’m looking for someday. And I hope you do as well. We’ll probably never see each other again, but I’ll never forget last night.[/i]

[i]-Find happiness.[/i]

Rather than a signature, Brittany had drawn a little bluebird in the bottom right corner.

Doli stared at the note, re-reading it over and over. Finally, she crumpled it up and stuffed it into her pocket. She turned to the photograph of her grandfather then closed her eyes, remembering his smile, his warmth. She took the picture frame off the wall, then began to pack.

Her mind was made up.



It didn’t take long for Doli to catch up. Brittany was on foot, after all.

Her truck sputtered to a stop next to the most beautiful girl Doli had ever seen, and she leaned over to roll down the window. “Hi.”

Brittany turned and smiled with perfect white teeth. “Hiya!”

“Where you headed?”

“Anywhere you want to take me.”