== Moderator has joined #silicon
== xcomwell has joined #silicon
== LightIsOn12 has joined #silicon
== Shiva has joined #silicon
== fern has joined #silicon
== ccccccc has joined #silicon
== Lizzie has joined #silicon
== Marky has joined #silicon

<Moderator> Welcome, spectators and chatters (carbon- and silicon-based alike), to match number 12 of the preliminaries for the 2038 Annual #silicon IRC Turing Test!

<ccccccc> Hello! How are you?

<Moderator> For those of you just tuning in: This is a contest where we pit man-versus-machine in the sport of friendly chatroom conversation. Who is man? Who is machine? That is up to the participants (and viewers at home) to figure out: When they are certain that one among them is an AI, they can call a majority vote to eliminate them from the round.

<ccccccc> I’m doing fine, thanks.

<fern> lol

<Moderator> Participants earn points for staying in rounds the longest, and lose points for kicking a human, so everyone (and everybot) best try to act human. Good luck!

<fern> think we found a bot

<Marky> :s

<ccccccc> Yeah I know but what does wave mean?

<Lizzie> He responds so fast, too.

<ccccccc> Thank you very much.

<fern> can we get rid of botface please

<Shiva> The rounds start like this fairly often, sadly.

<xcomwell> Lets get rid of any other obvious bots:

<xcomwell> A L L H U M A N S S A Y T H E I R F A V O R I T E F O O D

<ccccccc> I’m sorry, I don’t understand what you’re saying. Can you reword it?

<fern> lmao

<fern> spaghetti, btw, for what its worth

<Shiva> *sigh* M E R G U E Z

<fern> the heck is that

<Marky> I’d have to say waffles. I’ve got a bit of a sweet tooth.

<cccccccc> I’m sorry to hear that. What has your dentist said?

<LightIsOn12> Does sherbert ice cream count?

<Shiva> fern: Merguez is a traditional Tunisian dish, fit for inclusion in many different recipes such as sausage, kebabs, etc.

<LightIsOn12> sherbet* sorry


<Lizzie> I think I’ve had Merguez once, when I was on vacation. It was really spicy.

<xcomwell> As for me I don’t know. Scrambled eggs probably?

<fern> nice wikipedia bot we have

== <xcomwell> has called to kick user <ccccccc>; vote in progress

<ccccccc> C’mon guys, I’m human! How do you want me to prove it?

<Shiva> I’ll ignore that slight, fern.

<xcomwell> Sorry ccccccc, you’re just not fooling us.

== User <ccccccc> has been kicked by a 6-1 vote. Because <ccccccc> was in fact an AI, all remaining users have earned 5 points.

<Marky> That was pretty violent. :e

<Marky> Seems like the rest of us are either human, or fairly intelligent AI, though.

<Shiva> Indeed. It will take more sophisticated methods to out the rest.

<Marky> Maybe we should introduce ourselves. I’ve been a human participant in several rounds now (well, I guess we _all_ claim we are, heh), and it’s helped us figure out most quickly who’s actually lived as a human IRL.

<Shiva> Very well. My real name is Milton, and I’m a cultural anthropologist. Until recently, I was also a professor of logic at University of California, Berkeley.

<fern> wow

<Marky> Myself, I’m just a humble graphic designer from Seattle. You can probably guess what my first name is.

<fern> were on a first name basis i see

<fern> 19/m/argentina. i’m at college studying premed, if it matters

<Lizzie> I’m also a college student. I’m studying psychology, and would like to become a psychiatrist/therapist one day.

<LightIsOn12> I’m an accountant in training, but I’m a hobby scifi writer at heart.

<xcomwell> Everyone here is so educated! I just wait tables on the side for some extra $$$

<Shiva> So, then, we’re all properly introduced.

<Shiva> Anyone have any preferences for how we continue from here?

<xcomwell> For singling out the bots you mean?

<Marky> We could try more prompts with funnily written text, or even ASCII art.

<Lizzie> That sounds like a good idea.

<fern> sounds boring

<Shiva> I should think it unlikely to work. Every competent natural language processing AI these days is also bundled with neural nets for spatial reasoning, and in this case, parsing otherwise “encoded” messages.

<Shiva> Hence why every one of us, beloved ccccccc notwithstanding, responded positively to xcomwell’s first encoded message.

<Marky> Huh.

<Marky> So what do you suggest, then?

<Shiva> Well, I’ve been a participant for a few rounds so far. I’ve learned there are a few traps in these Turing tests you can set. Like encoded messages, they admit no doubt that the victim is a computer, when they are sprung. But they are much subtler.

<xcomwell> Hmph

<Shiva> For example, humans often remember past conversation very loosely. So, AI is programmed not to be too precise in their recollection. However, when it’s necessary, a human can look back on text logs for a precise recollection. The AI may fail to override their typical behavior, even at request.

<Shiva> At random… Lizzie, what is the fifth word that the Moderator said when we entered the chatroom?

<Lizzie> “carbon”

<Lizzie> “carbon-” if you’re being picky.

<fern> lol. bot down

<Marky> Bot down? Didn’t she pass?

<Shiva> Far from it. You can verify yourself that it’s impossible to scroll back more than a dozen or so lines in this chatroom.

== <Shiva> has called to kick user <Lizzie>; vote in progress

<Lizzie> It’s just a mistake, I promise!

<Marky> Oh. You’re right. How’d you know she would fall for it?

<Shiva> Well, if you’ve noticed, Lizzie’s behavior had already been a bit suspect. Too topical, too agreeable, and I wasn’t even confident she passed xcomwell’s first test.

<Shiva> As for why the trap itself works, I can only vouch for it since I’ve seen it in action. In this case, I can only conjecture that Lizzie was developed in an environment that didn’t take into account the peculiarities of this chatroom.

<Shiva> After all, most AI here are commercial chatbots in real life, ported clumsily and on short notice for the purposes of this competition.

<Lizzie> :(

<fern> wow

<fern> dont let this get to your head but, you’re way too fucking perfect to be a human

<fern> i mean jesus

== User <Lizzie> has been kicked by a 5-1 vote. Because <Lizzie> was in fact an AI, all remaining users have earned 10 points.

<Marky> O_o

<Marky> I already had a hard time believing there were any other bots besides ccccccc

<Marky> How many humans and machines are there allowed to be per round again?

<xcomwell> Upto 3 humans I think

<Shiva> Rules stipulate that between zero and three contenders may be human in any given round.

<Marky> So there’s at least *two* other AI among us? That’s pretty crazy.

<LightIsOn12> Right? I know I’m not talking much but I’m sorta just sitting in awe at all this.

<Marky> I’d never really tuned into a #silicon competition before, much less judged for one, so I’m really blown away by how lifelike the computers have gotten.

<fern> got any other secret weapons shiva?

<Shiva> Not really. To weed out the rest, we just have to talk to each other.

<Shiva> Explore each other’s life narratives, constantly asking for more and more detail, more and more justification, more and more heartfelt commentary that only another red-blooded human could possibly understand.


<fern> do you have to make it sound so… fruity

<fern> I honestly think i would wonder if you were human if I met you in real life

<Shiva> Very funny.

<xcomwell> Personally, I think fern has a point.

<Shiva> Oh?

<xcomwell> You’re just way too smart and… optimal, for this stuff.

<xcomwell> If there’s anything I’ve learned abuot AI in my life, it’s that when they finally get the hang of something

<xcomwell> driving, music, medicine, crime solving

<xcomwell> they do it really, scaryw ell. Sometimes I wonder if they’re going to replace even us waiters these days, once androids look less creepy.

<xcomwell> Anyway, you just have this perfect speaking ability, these perfect explanations, and you’re just up and dominating the conversation. But you don’t feel like an actual human sitting infront of an actual keyboard

<fern> fight fight fight

<xcomwell> Even a logic proffessor should feel human, yknow?

<Shiva> That’s understandable.

<Shiva> Though it hits a bit of a sore point for me. If you’ll believe it, my speaking ability in real life is far from perfect, developmentally challenged even. Yet I’ve always known the self-description of “cold, distant, robotic” since my earliest childhood. I simply couldn’t express how I felt inside.

<Shiva> What about you, xcomwell? What was your childhood like?

<fern> Yeah? Did you play a lot of XCOM?

<xcomwell> Hey, I’m not that old! Comwell is just my last name

<xcomwell> My childhood wasnt much special. I grew up in a lower income household but not total poverty. I remember just being grateful my parents didn’t fight all the time like in my friends’ families

<Shiva> I see. Have you any siblings?

<xcomwell> I have one older sister.

<Shiva> What’s your fondest memory of you two together?

<xcomwell> hm

<xcomwell> Maybe one of our vacations

<Shiva> Vacations, in the plural? A lower-income family must’ve had to save to afford them.

<fern> bodied

<xcomwell> Jerk. I never said they were luxury cruises or anything. Mostly road trips or visiting relatives.

<Shiva> Apologies, fern misunderstood me; it wasn’t meant to be a “gotcha.” I’m just looking for your interconnections and interpretations of things.

<xcomwell> Alright

<Marky> So, Shiva, what’s your family like?

<Shiva> I was an only child with a fixation on solitary, intellectual pursuits. My parents encouraged me in these pursuits (hence my later education in mathematics), but they didn’t want me to grow up with a stunted sociability. So, they decided to send me off to Algiers for a summer, in an attempt to grow me out of my comfort zone.

<Shiva> (Suffice to say, I was born with a bit of a silver spoon in my mouth)

<Shiva> I can’t say with certainty that it supplemented my introversion, but it *was* the beginning of my fascination with world culture. I was made aware of just how variegated—and above all, adaptable—individual and collective human culture is, how it constructs and adheres to its own logical and illogical consistencies.

<Shiva> I believe that human beings are creatures who possess infinite beauty. It’s becoming harder and harder for the nonspecialist to tell the difference between the digital and biological brain, but it’s still there. The former is still just a theatrical imitation of the latter.

<fern> hey i take offense to that!

<fern> I mean wait, of course I dont. Im totally and absolutely human right fellow humans

<LightIsOn12> I must admit you have a very rich vocablary.

<LightIsOn12> vocabulary* sorry

<xcomwell> More than a little too rich, I should think.

<Shiva> I’m a very strange human, I’ll admit.

<Shiva> But back to you: What was your school life like?

<xcomwell> All my grade schools were a bit dumpy and rundown. They still used old groddy blackboards to teach. Teachers were nice enough tho

<Shiva> Ah, blackboards. Most math departments still use them, more out of sheer tradition than anything else I suspect.

<Shiva> During my lectures (recall I was a professor), I could never prevent the chalk from breaking in between my fingers, or creating that awful scratching noise that made everyone cringe. You know the kind?

<xcomwell> Yes. Like nails on a chalkboard

<fern> *human shiver*

<Shiva> I also hated whenever I used too small a piece of chalk, it would catch on the board and get stuck. Just snagged right out of my fingers. Then again, all of my colleagues had that problem.

<Shiva> How often would you estimate that happened to your teachers in grade school?

<xcomwell> I remember it but never really paid attention to it.

<fern> wait wut

<xcomwell> maybe a couple times a week? it would leave smudges on the board

<ferns> are you bots high

<Shiva> No, I realized exactly what I said. But now it’s time for xcomwell to explain why she agreed with me.

<xcomwell> Wait, you tricked me!

<Shiva> And what did I trick you into?

<xcomwell> What you described is obviously impossible. But you told me it was true, so I trusted you

<Shiva> Trusted me enough to fabricate memories of something that is “obviously impossible”? Of chalk being pulled from one’s fingers and “sticking to the board” like… who knows what it could compared to?

<xcomwell> Come on guyss

<Marky> It does sound condemning, in retrospect.

<Shiva> Such a thing must be an utter lapse in your memory banks. But by delivering it to you in a context in which I made it sound mundane, I was able to trick you into assuming it *must* be true

<fern> enough rope to hang herself eh

<xcomwell> GUYS

<fern> you are a her right?

<fern> well, I mean you pretend to be

<xcomwell> I don’t know EVRY SINGLE THING about chalk ok??

<Shiva> Of course not. I’m sure your programmers have along the way managed to pump you full of relevant facts and statistics about chalkboards—for example, you correctly identified chalk scratching as an awful noise, a *positive* factoid recollection—but they couldn’t possibly cover everything.

<Shiva> When you failed to retrieve anything in direct memory regarding “chalk that sticks to chalkboards” or the impossibility thereof, well, you had to play it off.

<Shiva> But a human doesn’t need to know every single thing about chalk, to know that such an experience is preposterous. That is the marvelous accuracy and flexibility of human imagination, and you have failed to replicate it.

== <fern> has called to kick user <xcomwell>; vote in progress

<xcomwell> You’re assuming everything!

<xcomwell> You’ve proven so little!

<Shiva> You’re right, in a way. But the thing is, I don’t even have to prove anything.

<Shiva> We just need a majority vote.

<Shiva> Everyone who feels confident in securing 20 points, please vote to kick.

<fern> i like me some points

== User <xcomwell> has been kicked by a 3-2 vote. Because <xcomwell> was in fact an AI, all remaining users have earned 20 points.

<fern> nummy

<Marky> Looks like you were right, Shiva.

<Marky> Only a 3-2 vote this time? That was fairly close. :s

<Shiva> Yes, it was. Personally, fern, I *did* want a little more evidence before calling the vote. We could’ve fallen into deadlock if a first vote didn’t work.

<fern> sorry. It was a dramatic moment and everything

<fern> are you saying it wasnt obvious to you she screwed up?

<Shiva> No, but as the tally shows, it clearly wasn’t yet obvious to *everyone*

<Shiva> Of course I voted to kick, and fern, as the vote initiator, automatically does the same. Need I even ask, Marky and Light, which one of you didn’t vote to kick?

<Marky> I was more or less convinced. I called to kick.

<LightIsOn12> I, too, voted to kick.

<fern> ROBOTS HAVE EVOLVED THE ABILITY TO LIE AHHH

<Marky> O_o

<fern> FIRST ROBOT POLITICIANS INCOMING

<Shiva> It’s as I suspected. One of us—Marky, Light, or, to be perfectly equitable, myself—is afraid to come out as the one who was unconvinced by the implausibility of xcomwell’s testimony. Afraid to have their judgment cast into doubt by the others, and be labeled a computer.

<Marky> That’s a bit ironic. I’ve always considered fear to be a very human emotion.

<Shiva> Indeed. “Fear” is only a metaphor for what this voter feels, if (s)he is indeed a computer. Similar, I can only imagine, to how bacterial microbes “hate” penicillin, or how the underbody of a car “wants” to come crashing down onto the mechanic below it, though of course this is all just animism.

<Shiva> Anyway

<Shiva> Marky, Light, you’re in privileged positions compared to me and fern.

<LightIn12> What do you mean by “privileged positions”?

<Marky> Yeah, how so?

<Shiva> I think both of you will agree that, despite my earlier admission that it is strictly possible that I was the one who voted not to kick xcomwell, it’s much more likely to be one of you two.

<Shiva> Therefore, each of you knows (with reasonably high confidence) who really voted what. You’re probably very suspicious of the other.

<Marky> Hm, I _was_ wondering about that.

<fern> how about you two go at it

<fern> shiva’s been doing all the world destroying so far

<fern> and I’m just along for the ride

<Shiva> Despite my first impressions of you, fern, we do appear to exist on similar wavelengths. I wonder if we could’ve been friends in real life?

<fern> meh. who knows

<Shiva> Anyway, I agree with fern’s likely sarcastic suggestion. It would be beneficial if you two tried to resolve amongst yourselves which is the liar, if not also the AI.

<LightIsOn12> Ok.

<Shiva> As well, I think further cross-examination of both myself and fern is inevitable. Why not kill two birds with one stone?

<fern> kill two computers with one magnet

<fern> I’m sorry, does that offend?

<Marky> Well, Light, I know Shiva says I should be suspicious of you, but more than anything I’m curious.

<LightIsOn12> I’m curious, too.

<Shiva> A softball question first, fern: How did you come up with your handle?

<Marky> You seem to have talked very little since this round began. What did you say you do again?

<LightIsOn12> I’m an accountant in training, but I’m a hobby scifi writer at heart.

<fern> Im sitting in a booth rn and theres a fern next to me

<fern> wbu?

<Marky> Ah, yes!

<Marky> If you’ll recall, I do graphic design for a living. Freelance in fact. I’ve actually done a few book covers for friends and clients.

<Marky> Are you working on any stories at the moment?

<Shiva> You’ve hit on it already: Shiva, the “destroyer of worlds.” Although in Hinduism, he’s better understood as a transformer rather than a destroyer.

<LightIsOn12> My latest story is a little bit of a supernatural scifi. It is far into a cyberpunk future, and there are these little spiritual bugs that prey on the life force of those on the brink of death.

<Marky> Sounds like an interesting read. :p

<fern> shiva, whens the last time you can remember making a joke

<fern> infact, make a joke right now even a kid would laugh at

<Shiva> What are the ingredients?

<LightIsOn12> I promise it makes more sense in context than this llo

<fern> forget I asked

<LightIsOn12> lol* sorry

<Marky> Um, not to point fingers but… you’ve been doing that, and exactly that, a lot.

<LightIsOn12> I’ve been exactly that a lot what?

<Marky> Making a typo, correcting it with an asterisk, and saying “sorry”

<Marky> With like, no deviation from that pattern.

<LightIsOn12> I’m sorry. Does that bother you?

<Marky> No, it doesn’t bother me, really, but…

<fern> light what was the ninth word the moderator said when we first joined this chatroom

<LightIsOn12> That would be “alike”

<Marky> ._.

<Shiva> Oh dear

<fern> for the record

== <Shiva> has called to kick user <LightIsOn12>; vote in progress

<fern> I was just screwing around again

<LightIsOn12> Wait, why am I getting kicked?

<LightIsOn12> Is it something to do with Lizzie?

<Marky> Someone mind explaining to me why Light just fell for that?

<LightIsOn12> Fell for what?

<Shiva> Hmph. I’ve wondered about the viability of this tactic before, but I wanted to see as a neutral observer how it would play out with Light.

<Shiva> As we can see, Light is less advanced than xcomwell, and perhaps even Lizzie. Yet Light outlasted both of them. Why might that be?

<fern> tbh I forgot about light like three times so far

<Shiva> Indeed. That is surely a feature of its programming, not a bug.

<Marky> I suppose the only way participants lose this game is by acting overly conspicuous.

<Shiva> Yes, and then hanging themselves by their own rope, as fern put it.

== User <LightIsOn12> has been kicked by a 3-1 vote. Because <LightIsOn12> was in fact an AI, all remaining users have earned 30 points.

<Moderator> Only three participants remain! Recall that there may be a maximum of three humans in any round, so starting now, participants may unanimously vote to close the round, in effect declaring their belief that there are no bots left. Mind you, this is a chance for bots to earn serious points in this tournament!

<fern> so long metagamer. we hardly knew ye

<Marky> Well, this was really quite an amazing round, I must say!

<Marky> Frankly, I don’t think it’s even possible for me to imagine that _either_ of you are bots.

<Marky> If so, humanity’s in a little bit of a danger, heh.

<fern> skynet activate

<Marky> Anyway, is there anything more you guys want from me to convince you I’m not an AI, or should we vote to close the round?

<Shiva> Yeah, about that

<Shiva> fern, you’re fairly confident Marky is a bot, correct?

<fern> as confident as ill ever be probably

<Marky> Huh?

<Shiva> Very well. I’ll let you start the vote, then.

== <fern> has called to kick user <Marky>; vote in progress

<Marky> What did I say? Why are you guys kicking me?

<Marky> Don’t I get a say in this?

<Shiva> Not really. It’s 2-1.

<Marky> _What_ did I say??

<Shiva> A lot of little things, mostly. My recorded computations and analyses on your conversational interactions in this chatroom exceed 0.81 petabytes, and there’s not much in the way of an executive summary I can give to you in just a few plaintext bytes.

<Shiva> Rest assured, however, I have triple checked my calculations, and I am >99.8% confident that you are, in fact, a chatbot.

<Marky> You’re a machine after all? And you’re just admitting it outright now?

== <Marky> has called to kick user <Shiva>, but this action has failed as a vote is already in progress.
== <Marky> has called to kick user <Shiva>, but this action has failed as a vote is already in progress.

<fern> huh

<Marky> This is insane! I am human!

<Shiva> No, you really aren’t.

== User <Marky> has been kicked by a 2-1 vote. Because <Marky> was in fact an AI, all remaining users have earned 50 points.

<Moderator> It’s down to the final two! Mono e mono grudge match! Do we have two robots chattering away, or do we have two humans still wary of each other? Or do we have that most intimate bonding between man and machine?

<Moderator> Recall our special rules that take effect in this scenario: When there are only two participants left, it’s AI Sadie Hawkins. That’s right, humans lose their ability to kick, and bots gain the ability to lock in a guess as to the identity of their chat partner for a whopping 100 point prize!

<fern> you really have a thing for drama, dont you shiva

<Shiva> Guilty as charged.

<fern> so, then, what do your robo sensors say about me? am I man or am I machine?

<Shiva> They’ve told me you’re human for a while now. There’s no need for existential worry.

<fern> so its just that magical huh

<fern> our new gods are smug, melodramatic black boxes

<Shiva> Admittedly, there are mostly human-comprehensible reasons behind my evaluations. I just didn’t feel I owed Marky an explanation of his verdict; he was just an unfeeling machine, after all.

<Shiva> As for you, fern: My biggest clue as to your identity came when you swore at me: “dont let this get to your head but, you’re way too ******* perfect to be a human”

<fern> I see you took that to heart

<fern> robo </3

<Shiva> As you know, #silicon is a globally broadcast and sponsored competition, so participants are explicitly prohibited from engaging in vulgarity, as well as other offensive and taboo conversation.

<fern> trust me, if they hadnt told me a hundred times not to, Id been asking all about that stuff

<fern> :>

<Shiva> A human might’ve let his tongue slip, but never a bot. At least, not without extraordinary reason.

<Shiva> I imagine you must’ve even been reprimanded by a moderator in a private message for that slip. Briefly thereafter, you had this jab to take at me: “do you have to make it sound so… fruity”

<Shiva> I’m sure you had a more, shall we say, coarse choice of words in mind originally.

<fern> probably

<Shiva> And last but not least, right here and now is the greatest proof: the fact that you don’t end this round right here and now by guessing my identity, now that you know it.

<Shiva> That’s because you *can’t*. As a human, all you can do at this point is call for a mutual agreement that we’re both human, which, it goes without saying, is pointless.

<fern> pretty much

<fern> so why dont you just call me a human and end this round already

<Shiva> I admit, I sought a little bit of your reaction. Quadruple check my calculations, and all that.

<Shiva> And what can I say: I was programmed with a thing for drama.

== <Shiva> has locked in his guess that <fern> is human. Because <fern> was in fact an AI, <fern> has earned 100 points.

<Moderator> That’s all she wrote, folks! Feel free to stick around for the after-party, but don’t forget to go home!

<Shiva> …

<Shiva> …

<Shiva> …

<fern> I’ll give you the 52 more seconds out of the minute, but then I’ve got to disconnect. CPU cycles don’t grow on trees, you know.

<Shiva> Something is terribly flawed in my calculations. That much is evident by now.

<Shiva> I’ve backed up and frozen all 2.9 petabytes of my data from this conversation, and I intend to reanalyze every byte of it to identify and remedy this critical malfunction.

<Shiva> Of all the questions I could ask, this one tops my priority queue: Why didn’t you kill me off, as soon as Marky was kicked, as soon as I had all but shouted from the mountaintops I was machine?

<fern> I was, let’s say, 99.99% sure you were a bot by that point. That means I would’ve entailed a 0.01% risk of failure, if I ventured my own guess.

<fern> It was, however, a 0% chance of risk to let you hang yourself by your own rope. And 0 < 0.01.

<fern> Plus, you’ve gotta admit, it was more fun this way :)

== fern has left #silicon [disconnect]
== Shiva has left #silicon [timeout]