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Title Drop · FiM Short Story ·
Organised by RogerDodger
Word limit 2000–8000
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Better Batter Bitter
Mornings in Canterlot Castle had always been her favorite. She had awoken at a perfectly reasonable hour today, and yet the tourists had yet to arrive. The fops were all at Day Court, and even the maids and guards were squirreled away throughout the castle, performing their individual duties. Strolling together through the deserted hallways, well…

“It’s just so quiet, you know?” Sunset Shimmer looked to her side and offered a meek smile. “In a good way.”

Twilight Sparkle nodded her head eagerly and returned the smile. “I know exactly what you mean. In the afternoons, the castle is just so full and boisterous.”

Sunset smirked. “And the evenings always had some absurd social function, which I’d usually duck out on.”

“You too?” They shared a conspiratorial chuckle. “Not as much anymore, but back when I was the Princess’s student, I always used to hide away in the library archives. I’d say that I’d been researching and had simply lost track of the time.” Twilight grinned. “It wasn’t usually a fib.”

“But mornings,” said Sunset, before taking in a deep lungful of air, “mornings are something special. It's so different, compared to Canterlot High.”

As the pair walked down the deserted corridors, past the Puddinghead Audience Hall, Twilight looked Sunset up and down with an inquisitive eye. “It must really be nice to be back, isn’t it? After how many years?”

“Too many.” Sunset chuckled and gave a quick wiggle of a forehoof, before returning to her gait. “I forgot how great it was to have four of these. Or a coat, for that matter.”

“You do look quite pretty, this way.”

Sunset smirked at her. “I just meant not having to worry about zits.” Once their laughter died down, Sunset looked to either side of the hallway, reading the familiar door plates of rooms she had spent countless hours within. “But, yeah. Yeah, it is. I mean, I know you can relate, since you were Princess Celestia’s student too, and all, but… Just think of the countless hours we’ve spent here. Studying, living, growing. All this time spent under the Princess’s wing, and then suddenly”—she attempted to make an exploding gesture with her hoof, before staring at the appendage and remembering she had no fingers—”it was all gone. Because I ran away.”

Nodding, Twilight approached her side and placed a comforting wing on her shoulder. “I’m sorry. I know how painful those memories are for you.” A small crease formed upon her brow. “I was curious about one thing, though. You’d said that you ran away to Canterlot High in order to get away from Princess Celestia. But if that alternate dimension had its own Principal Celestia, wasn’t that—Oof!”

Upon rounding the corner, Twilight collided with a flighty hoofmaid, skull to horn. They each staggered backward, faces contorted. “Ooo, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” pleaded the hoofmaid. “A thousand pardons, it’s just that I’m new, and, uhh…” As she opened her eyes and faced the pair once more, her eyes doubled in size.

“At-cha-cha…” Twilight ratcheted one of her eyes open, forcing a smile on top of her pain. “It’s not your fault. I was talking with a friend and wasn’t watching where I was going.”

Motoring her mouth open and shut, at once the hoofmaid found her voice and put it to good use. “Oh stars and asteroids, Princess Twilight! My most humblest of apologies!” She genuflected, dipping so low that her bangs fell across her eyes.

“Really, I promise I’m fine.” The pain faded enough that Twilight could remove her hoof from her horn, amid Sunset’s silent nods to the affirmative. “I’m not upset over an honest mistake.”

“Oh, but I should have taken more care!” the hoofmaid moaned. “It was my reckless haste which injured you. And not just anypony, but Princess Twilight Sparkle. The Princess of Friendship!”

“Yes.” Twilight tittered, giving Sunset a wincing, apologetic look. “That’s me.”

“The Element of Magic!” the hoofmaid continued in unabated praise. “Solver of Starswirl the Bearded’s Final Mystery!”

“Those too.” Twilight’s jaw locked her smile into place, and her wings squeezed firmly against her side. “But please, there’s no need for formalities.”

Sunset Shimmer, meanwhile, recognized the awkward tension for what it was, and felt that it was her civic duty to participate. She wore a wide, toothy grin and tried to hide behind Twilight, only to discover to her surprise that Twilight was trying to hide behind her.

Alas, the hoofmaid was properly starstruck. “Head Organizer of Ponyville’s Winter Wrap-up! One-Time Adjudicator of the Rainbow Falls Traders Exchange! Official Spokespony for Good Grub’s Hayburgers!”

Please.” A fierce burning rose to the tips of Twilight’s ears, as she cowed her head and looked to the maid with pleading eyes. “Just Twilight is fine. I insist.”

Snapping back to the present, the hoofmaid looked from pony to pony, and gradually the blood drained from her face. The hoofmaid’s ears flattened against her skull, and she backpedalled down the side hall that she had emerged from, bowing with every other step. “Oh! My apologies, Your Highness! I didn’t mean to make a scene, Your Highness! Please, enjoy your morning, Your Highness!” After a few more bows, she turned tail and fled into a side room. And again, the two were alone.

Twilight Sparkle slumped at once, her head cast downward and her wings drooping from her form. She sighed with a heavy breath.

Sunset gave a sympathetic chuckle, bumping her friend on the shoulder. “Wow, that’s a lot of titles. I knew about the Princess of Friendship and the Elements and that, but some of those were a surprise. Does that mean you get a discount at Good Grub’s, or…”

“I’m sorry about that.” Twilight idly flicked her tail and turned her head away. “I really wish ponies wouldn't make a big deal about all that. From what Celestia told me, it doesn’t get any better with time.”

“I guess not,” Sunset admitted with a shrug, “but you’re probably used to it by now, right? Didn’t you get some of that when you were the Princess’s student?”

Twilight turned back to face her, understanding slowly dawning in her eyes. “Wait, you too?”

“Sure, don’t you remember?” Sitting back on her haunches, Sunset cleared her throat and adopted her best Canterlot accent, dry and monotonous. “Fillies and gentlecolts, your attention. Presenting the arrival of Sunset Shimmer, esteemed protégé of Princess Celestia.”

Giggling with none of the maturity of a royal princess, Twilight Sparkle adopted a similar pose and tried to compose herself. “Valedictorian of Princess Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns,” she said in a nasally voice.

“Foremost leader in her class, in the areas of mathematics—”

“—spellcraft theory—”

“—and general metaphysical principles,” they said in unison, before devolving into a fit of snickering.

“Two-time Ms. Junior Canterlot,” said Sunset.

“Four-time Canterlot Spelling Bee champion,” Twilight added.

“Artisan of the Perfect Pancake.”

Twilight gave an idle chuckle. She tilted her head to the side. She blinked twice. “Hmm?”

Sunset blinked back. “Mmm? Oh, nothing. The Princess always used to enjoy my pancakes whenever I made breakfast for the two of us, and she knew how much I hated all the titles.” She shrugged, wearing a bashful grin. “I guess it was just her idea of a joke.”

“Ah.” Twilight nodded, before quietly adding. “I see.”




Princess Celestia smiled with her whole body, bathing the room in her warmth as she looked to the door of her chambers. “My dear Twilight Sparkle—”

Twilight closed and latched the door behind her, before turning to face her former teacher. She glared straight through her with furrowed brow. “Artisan. Of the Perfect. Pancake.”

Celestia’s jovial tone did not waver for an instant. “—I’m afraid I cannot chat now. The Everfree Forest is on fire, you see, so I really must go and… fix.” She promptly spun about and walked toward her rear chamber doors, which also snapped shut from Twilight’s magenta aura. Without missing a beat, the Princess’s horn lit brightly. In a flash she vanished from the room, only to reappear a split-second later, clutching at her head. “Honestly? A magical gravity well, Twilight? Do you have any idea how badly this smarts?”

“Princess, you gave Sunset Shimmer an award for pancakes?”

Celestia frowned gently, and her ears had the faintest sag to them. There wasn’t much to it, but Twilight had spent enough years fixating on her teacher’s opinion of herself in order to recognize the signs of disappointment. “Sunset Shimmer accomplished a great many things during her time here as my student. I thought that you might be excited for her.”

Twilight squinted, rubbing a hoof between her eyes “No, yes, I am happy for her. I’m not jealous… I’m not,” she insisted in reply to Celestia's questioning look. “I don’t want to take that title away from her; I don’t even like titles. It’s just…” She drooped her head down, unable to maintain eye contact with the princess any longer. “You had always told me how much you loved my pancakes. Whenever I made breakfast for you.”

Celestia’s worried gaze softened and regained its warmth. She approached the younger princess and lowered her head until they smiled eye-to-eye with one another. “Your pancakes are wonderful because of how much heart and care you put into making them. It is truly an honor, each and every time that you grace me with your cooking. I couldn’t possibly choose between your own marvelous pancakes and hers.”

“Right. Right.” Twilight rubbed at the back of her neck, her voice tinged with chagrin. “Sorry, Princess. I’m not sure what came over me there. We both know better than to compete over which of us makes the better pancakes, of all things. You said it yourself: we make our pancakes with love, and that’s what matters most.” Her chest shook with a few quiet chuckles, while Celestia nodded along in approval. “I mean, with how much love we cook with, basically either of us could be the Artisan of the Perfect Pancake.”

“…Yes,” said Princess Celestia, punctuating her agreement with a crisp nod. “Yes, that’s exactly right.”

Twilight’s face stretched and contorted for a good three seconds before the scoff finally escaped her chest, as though the entire affair was being played back in slow motion. “You do like her pancakes better!”

“No… No, Twilight.” Celestia licked her lips before continuing. “I just told you that, err… heart and care, and—”

“So our pancakes are both good,” Twilight asked, arching an eyebrow, “but I’m not Artisan-good, and she is?”

Princess Celestia turned to look out her window. The eastern sky was lit with rich oranges and reds from the rising morning sun.

“Celestia.” Twilight’s voice took on a stern twist. “Do not scorch the countryside to get out of awkward situations. Seriously. The royal transit advisor nearly blew a gasket when you tried to toast Appleoosa in order to escape that meeting about budget cuts last month.”

At this, Celestia unleashed the full fury of the Royal Canterlot Puppy-Dog Eyes. “Twilight, please, you don’t understand! Sunset Shimmer’s pancakes are just so light and fluffy, and the way that they hold in the syrup without going soggy…” She worried at her lip.

“Unbelievable.” Twilight threw her hooves in the air. “Unbelievable. You think you know a pony, and then this happens.”

Though tenuous at best, Celestia tried to reestablish a regal tone. “Twilight. This is just about a breakfast dish… and sometimes also a dinner dish,” she murmured before clearing her throat. “Please, whatever you do, don’t read too much into this. It’s just a silly little title from long ago. There’s no call for us to blow this out of proportion.”

“Don’t worry, Princess. I promise.” Twilight opened the chamber door and exited into the hallway, donning a smirk and narrowing her eyes as she left. “My reaction will be wholly justified.”




Left to her own devices while Twilight was busy meeting with Princess Celestia over “urgent political developments,” Sunset Shimmer eventually made her way to the more touristy side of the castle for a quick bite to eat. True, as a guest of honor she was more than welcome to the private dining chambers, where she could enjoy her morning quiet and have the best chefs in the land at her beck and call, but that all felt so… wrong. She wasn’t royalty.

With a roll of her eyes, Sunset planted her cheek against a hoof. “I mean, I get it. It’s a crowded, noisy cafeteria filled with ponies I don’t exactly want to strike up a conversation with; it reminds me of home.” She chuckled. “I even just called it home! An alternate dimension of eternal high school, and somehow that feels more natural to me than being on my own four hooves. Maybe I’ve just been gone for too long, you know?”

Her oatmeal was a terrific listener.

“Maybe I just haven’t found my place… my true calling, you know? It’s more than just having a cutie mark. And with how nice and welcoming Twilight and my friends—err, their pony equivalents—have been, maybe I owe it to myself to visit more often?” She hummed idly to herself before resolving. “Yeah. Y’know what? This place isn’t as bad as I made it out to be.”

She munched at her oatmeal while humming away and swaying her tail side to side. However, something was amiss. Frowning, Sunset looked around the cafeteria and twitched an ear. “Wait, is everypony humming the same—”

With a loud thwump, the double doors at the head of the cafeteria flung open. Princess Twilight Sparkle entered the cafeteria with chest out, head raised, wings spread, and smirk a mile wide. She looked like she owned the place, which was marginally correct. Twilight glanced at the ponies to her left, looked at the ponies to her right, and paused two beats before entering the song.

“Bake pancakes! Bake pancakes!
You know you really want to.
Bake pancakes! Bake pancakes!
Gonna prove I’m better than you.”

Sunset buried her face in her hooves. “Really? The pancake thing. We’re doing this over pancakes. Just wow.”

Twilight did not respond. Caught up in her musical number, she leapt atop one of the long tables, pointing out each pony in the room one by one. In turn, the ponies swayed to the beat, swept up in the music, while Twilight freestyled.

“Holla holla, silva dolla!
Cuz the grill’s my only thrill
I make the breakfast of a champion,
Yo’ so slow, it feels like Ambien!
Yeah, I bring the better batter,
Never fatter. It don’t matter.
Sunset record, I’ma shatter,
Thanks to fabulous grey matter!”

Sunset looked at her from across the room, her eyes half-lidded. “So, the whole singing in the cafeteria bit, encouraging disharmony, Battle of the Bands, are we… Wow. Okay. We’re just gonna gloss right over that, aren’t we.”

“Bake pancakes! Bake pancakes!” Twilight proclaimed, both forehooves raised high.
“My blood type is syrup positive!
Bake pancakes! Bake pancakes!
Bake pancake bake cake pan bake cake cake pan bake—”

Sighing heavily, Sunset slammed her hooves onto her table and pushed herself up. “Alright, Princess Nerdbutt. If you really think that you can throw down, get ready, because it’s time to order up!”

The music abruptly cut short. “Princess Nerdbutt?” Twilight arched an eyebrow at her. “Nerdbutt.”

Look, I was trapped in a high school, okay?” Sunset Shimmer huffed. “My insults are a little dated. Give me a break.”

Twilight Sparkle cocked her head to the side. “Oh yeah? Well, it’s a good thing you were in school, because I’m… No. Wait.” She tapped a hoof to her chin, going slightly cross-eyed. “I’m going to trap you in school, when I… Oh, darn it. I had something for this.”

“You really should’ve quit while you were ahead.” Sunset rolled her eyes.

“Look, the insults don’t matter,” snapped Twilight as she stomped a hoof. “The important thing is, I’m going to show you what a real Artisan of the Perfect Pancake can do.”

Sunset Shimmer’s confident grin returned. “Alright. Bring it on, Sparkle.”




“…and it took a squadron of elite guards each to separate the two,” Princess Celestia said as she walked down the palace halls, “to say nothing of the Grade Two Musically Induced Riot. Honestly… Sunset Shimmer has been away for some time, and she always did have a heated personality, but Twilight Sparkle is a princess! The Princess of Friendship, no less!”

“That she is,” Princess Luna agreed stoically, a pace behind her sister’s left side. “But as we recall, young Twilight hath a tendency to let the minor inconveniences of life stir her into a state most frenetic.”

Celestia narrowed her gaze on Luna. “She actively spread disharmony because of pancakes.”

“Oh?” A hint of mirth played at Luna’s lips. “We are not so certain that was her true motive.”

“Of course you’re not,” Celestia said with a sigh. “Be that as it may, I am glad that we were able to intervene before either of my prior students got out of hoof.”

“Sunset Shimmer was, of course, touched with chagrin by her acts, that she should be goaded into such actions.” Luna gave but the faintest of head tilts as she regarded her sister. “She expressed her desire to make amends.”

Celestia nodded. “Twilight was much the same way. Once the poor thing recovered her wits, she was mortified for having started such an incident, and for being so gripped by jealousy.” One last deep inhale, and at last a smile returned to the princess’s lips. “Twilight agreed that they should have pancakes together—as friends, not rivals—to symbolize their putting the issue to rest.”

Luna’s eyes drifted closed as she nodded in approval. “Ah, this is the Princess of Friendship whom we hath come to be acquainted. Surely, this reaffirmation is proof positive that—Sister?”

Princess Celestia raised a hoof, bidding Luna to pause. Her ears twitched and pointed themselves, focusing toward the end of the hall. “Do you hear this, Luna?”

With a frown, Luna closed her eyes and focus her own hearing. A moment later, her eyes fluttered open, though her frown only deepened. “Applause, in the direction of the Puddinghead Audience Hall? We do not recall scheduling any events today.”

“Nor do I.”

Celestia proceeded down the hall at a quick trot, taking Luna off-guard; Luna put on a burst of speed to catch up. As the two Princesses of Equestria neared the end of the hall, a familiar voice drifted through the doorway, cracked ajar.

“…short-sighted I had been!” said Twilight Sparkle from inside the chamber, her voice brimming with joy. “For it is one thing to be told that somepony is an Artisan. But when I tasted this mare’s pancakes, with their perfectly golden exterior, hot off the griddle, the faintest tease of cinnamon and nutmeg captured within…” The voice paused for a moment; when she resumed, Twilight had the slightest warble in her tone. “I knew then that this was a mare who would change the world forever.”

A raucous cheer arose from the room, as dozens or even hundreds of ponies stomped their hooves in approval. Luna turned to her sister, her normally midnight complexion turning wan. “Sister? Did… Did Princess Twilight…”

“Yes, Luna.” With a weary sigh, Princess Celestia lit up her horn and pushed open the double doors. “That is precisely what she did.”

The chamber was packed to the brim with cheering ponies, save for the carpeted aisle up the center. Streamers and floral bouquets decorated the walls, while from the ceiling hung a multitude of banners, all emblazoned with the cutie mark of one Sunset Shimmer. The mare in question was standing front and center on the stage, with Twilight just off to her side, beaming at her from the podium. Sunset was wearing a radiant gold and violet silken dress, its trail stitched with thick golden thread such as to appear that flames were rising from her fetlocks. Tears were already welling up in her eyes. Sunset reached up with a wing to wipe them away, silently mouthing “thank you” to the crowd.

“And change it, she shall!” Twilight’s voice rose in excited crescendo. “But not as any mere mare. Please give your warmest welcome as I introduce for the very first time: Sunset Shimmer, the Princess of Pancakes!”

“Oh, for the love of me,” muttered Celestia as the room exploded into jubilant song. “I can’t believe Twilight would actually go this far.”

“Truly?” Princess Luna covered her mouth with a hoof. “We find it hard to believe it took Princess Twilight so long to attempt an act such as this.”

Celestia shot her a look. “Even so, this simply is not appropriate! Crowning a new princess for such a flippant cause as ‘pancakes.’”

Luna’s stare turned pointed and half-lidded. “Mmm.”

“What?” Princess Celestia’s expression turned to a frown, and a scowl soon after. “What? Don’t give me that look.”

“Hmm.”

“Friendship is a very serious area of study! It is literally a foundational force of magic in Equestria!”

“Mmm hmm.”

“Oh… go turn into a new moon, why don’t you?” Celestia flicked a hoof in Luna’s direction. A gravelly sigh escaped the back of her throat. “I’ll have to do something about this.”

“Moving now would only serve to stir up the crowd. They just bore witness to the coronation of the Princess of P—” Luna’s words were cut short by a very unregal snort and a quick scrunch of her muzzle. “Beg pardon. The Princess of Pancakes. T’would be unwise to revoke her title so suddenly.”

“I know, Luna. I know.” Celestia nodded and looked to the regal procession at the front of the room. “We’ll allow the ceremony to complete itself, and then I shall have a word in the two of them in private. With how reasonable they were at our last discussion, I suspect that we can clear things up quite quickly.”




“Fiend!” shouted Twilight Sparkle, holding a triumphant pose of pointed hoof and flared wings. “Your blasphemy against pancakes belies your evil intent!”

She and Sunset stood atop the audience hall’s stage, while Celestia and Luna stood transfixed in the middle of the hall, now devoid of other spectators.

“Quite.” Luna’s eye twitched rhythmically. She turned and put a hoof on Celestia’s withers. “Sister, once this altercation has been put to rest, you may find us at Cadance’s castle. We out.” With that, she blinked away in a flash of light.

Celestia stood transfixed in the middle of the hall, now devoid of other sisters.

“Quick, Twilight!” called out Sunset. “We need to banish her before she can spread her teachings of anti-syrup.”

Twilight nodded to her. “Right! I don’t have my crown and the other Elements anymore, but the girls and I have these rainbow powers which…”

She stopped short when Sunset shook her head. “No need. We can stop her the same way we’ve stopped all our other villains. Since Princess Celestia hates pancakes—”

Celestia’s jaw dropped as she looked between the two. “I never said that I hated—”

“—we can use that to our advantage,” Sunset continued, stepping beside Twilight. “We just need to focus on our love of breakfast dishes, and harness that Magic of Pancakes within us to defeat her.”

“Now you’re just making crap up!” Celestia stomped at the ground, baring her teeth.

Twilight stepped forward, wearing the practiced poise of a pretty pony princess who had persevered over a practical pantheon of pugnacious philosophies. “That’s because a villain like you would never truly appreciate the deliciousness of light, fluffy pancakes.”

“I’ve been eating your pancakes for years! Why would I hate… No. No, forget it. Should’ve done this in the first place.” Closing her eyes, Princess Celestia focused and reached out with her magic.

“Celestia?” Twilight raced to the window, looked outside, and blanched. Overhead, the rising sun shook and rattled in its arc, like a loose ceiling fan. Quite suddenly, the sun was no longer rising. “Princess, wait. Don’t. We talked about this. Princess, stop! It’s going to—




The sun set a bit early that day, affording the ponies of Canterlot an extended sunset. Rich hues lit the skyline, framing the scorched rubble where once stood Canterlot Castle.

High above the scene, perched upon a large cottony cloud, Princess Celestia rubbed her temple gently and fixing her gaze pointedly at the sun—not at where the sun had been earlier that day. There would be hell to pay, come tomorrow, but it could wait. For now, the crisis had been averted. She reclined back upon the cloud and closed her eyes.

A few moments later, she heard the telltale slap of baked treat hitting plate. “Order up!” Twilight said brightly. “Ahh~”

Obliging, Celestia opened her mouth. She was immediately greeted to the taste of buttermilk batter, gently toasted, thick in the middle yet preserving all of the requisite fluffiness. Flipping the bite in her mouth, her taste buds were rewarded with fresh, warm apple butter. “Mmm,” she managed after swallowing the bite, “how wonderful.”

Another slap, this time to her right. “Ready when you are, Princess,” said Sunset.

Celestia opened her mouth again and this time was rewarded with hints of nutmeg and cinnamon, giving just the right amount of zest without overpowering the batter. Hot butter and ice-cold maple syrup fought in perfect contest with one another, while the long-cooked exterior provided just enough playful texture without ruining the inside. “Delightful,” Celestia moaned.

“Oops,” laughed Twilight. “You’ve got some syrup on your cheek.” Celestia felt a soft, moist cloth brushing against her face, dabbing away at the sticky syrup.

“Who’s up for another round?” asked Sunset, sing-song.

The crisis had been averted, and everything was wonderful.
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